The website Slate is hosting a panel next week on how the news media should cover Donald Trump.

Slate, named for the fact that their writers have the intelligence of a roof shingle,

has stocked the panel with journalists of diverse political positions ranging from the left to the left.

Moderating the panel, for instance, will be CNN's fair-minded anchor man, Brian Stelter,

who has had the fair on his mind ever since he won a stuffed giraffe there by throwing baseballs at a milk bottle.

Stelter issued a statement saying, quote,

In covering Donald Trump, we want to make sure that we are as objective about this hate-filled racist scum ball as we were about the good and saintly president who preceded him, who was also handsome to the point of being arousing, and I'm totally straight, I swear.

Unquote.

Stelter went on to say, while reporting on Trump, at no time do we want our personal opinions to get in the way of our destroying him and salting the earth where once he trought.

Slate's editor-in-chief, Carlotta hysterics, will also be on the panel and will discuss Trump's effects on women in a loud, tricky voice before swooning away.

Mrs. hysterics told reporters, quote,

During the campaign, we went berserk every time Trump opened his mouth while covering up the failures and corruption of the Democrats.

And that didn't work, so now what?

Personally, after going berserk and lying, I feel I've used up all the techniques I learned in journalism school and I'm looking for some fresh ideas.

Unquote.

Another panelist will be dusty remnant the fourth, the chief editor of the New Yorker, an author of the book, If Not Park Slope, Then Where.

No really, Where.

Remnant wrote a brief 73,000 word essay about the upcoming panel which said in part, quote,

The whiplash-like flabbergastion of disorienting from our frabges, Obama-Lissomist to the suicidal thathomish of Denaldian Melancholia, his comorant Sukadeel Boracante Massachachahupla.

I guess he got tired of looking up words in the Thessuras about halfway through that.

The final panelist will be Univision Anchorman, Jorge Kylal Gringos.

Although to be fair, I'm not sure whether that's his name or just his tattoo.

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