Hi, I'm Roman Polanski.

And I'm Shirley Polanski. And welcome to the world of Roma Blansky's discount furniture. I know what you're thinking. Film director and alleged petafile. Roman Polanski has a furniture store? Of course not. We just got the same name. Whoopsie. Don't let that scare you away. We've got couches, beds, tables, and chairs. Love seats for snuggling. Consensual snuggling because of copyright law, I'm not allowed to change my name and stop being confused with a fugitive sex criminal.

But I am allowed to save Roman Blansky's discount furniture. We take prices down to Chinatown.

His movies are good for a pervert.

Especially for a pervert.

I've been hounded by law enforcement, federal officials,

and anybody who don't care for the other Mr. Prolansky.

We have death threats for breakfast.

Recently, I was arrested in my own home by local police,

and ongoing legal battles have left us bankrupt.

I attempted suicide.

Me too, darling. Me too.

So come on down to Roma Valancy discount furniture.

My life is hell.

I like the house to cold. I like to keep it hot.

I don't care much for cooking.

I like to eat a lot.

It scares me when she's driving.

And that always causes a fight.

I like to fuck in the morning.

And I like to fuck in the morning And I like to fuck at night

Sometimes it drives me crazy

...