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Our long national nightmare is over.

We are finally winning the war in Iran.

As long as you use Charlie Sheen's definition of winning, which is slowly dying of AIDS.

The president's threat to destroy Iran's entire civilization resulted in a ceasefire.

But after peace talks failed this weekend, Trump pulled the old, I wanted you to bang my wife,

and declared that he was going to blockade the Strait of Hormuz himself.

That might strike you as odd.

After all, the president has previously argued that Iran was holding the world hostage by closing the street, that they were essentially acting as

pirates.

So are we the pirates now?

Does objective reality even exist anymore?

Or are we just floating through a liminal space that used to be America, listening to a constant,

...