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It's Christmas time at last, and many people are returning to their bibles to read once again the ancient story of God's love for his creation.

But what do they know?

Personally, I prefer to page through the flyers and catalogs I get in the mail and read the great gospel story there.

As I understand it one day, an ancient Galilee or some such place, an angel appeared to the Virgin Mary where she lay on her bed and the angel said to her,

behold Mary, there's an amazing sale at JC Penny with sheets and bedding being offered up to 50% off.

Also, you're pregnant. And Mary arose and said, wow, I better get to them all right away. Wait, what?

But by then the angel had disappeared.

Now a decree went out from Caesar saying that all men must be counted, so they could pay their fair share of Caesar's mansions and dancing girls,

unless there be like inequality or something.

And on hearing this decree, Joseph the carpenter brought his ass from the stable and put a padded saddle on it because he knew dealing with Caesar would give his ass a pain.

And when Joseph arrived in Bethlehem, Mary gave birth to a son and laid him in a manger.

And by some miracle the animals began to speak and said to her, we hear there are some incredible bargains on cribs at Ethan Allen, which is great because frankly we'd like our manger back so we can get something to eat.

Meanwhile, a choir of angels appeared to some shepherd singing, glory in the highest, best by is offering Sony TVs for as much as 30% off, which is not even to mention the fact that the Savior of the world has been born in Bethlehem, so you might want to stop off there as well.

And the shepherd's went forth rejoicing, shouting, hallelujah, 30% off of Sony.

Also that other thing they said sounded good too, but I forget now what it was.

And wise men came from the east and visited the Holy Family saying our sacred books have told us that there are tremendous savings here in Bethlehem.

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