I'm Natalie Lou in your listening to the baggage reclaim sessions.

Hello hello.

How are you doing?

I've taught before on the podcast about dating anxiety, texting anxiety, as well as mistaking intensity for intimacy and how the communication and

interactions in those first hours days and weeks can be the undoing of us.

It creates a full sense of security and trust, as well as the illusion of not just a relationship, but a getting to know that hasn't happened.

Once we then start to receive signals that actually we barely know this person,

or that they're deviating from, for instance, the initially established text pattern,

our anxiety kicks in, which can sometimes lead to us thinking and behaving in ways that not only stress us out but they can leave us

feeling ashamed, confused and disillusioned. I advise people who are in a painful or frustrating dating cycle or who keep waking up knee-deep in

unavailable or shady relationships to slow it down, right down, in those early stages of the relationship so that they can make more

mindful and grounded choices. When they slow down that causes them to notice and break down some of their patterns,

noticing who they're trusting, what they're trusting and why, as well as where they tend to speed up and the anxiety and

fore-processes behind this, while it's discomfiting, it's also liberating. And a few months back while listening to the audiobook of what happened to you by Oprah and Dr Bruce Perry,

Dr Bruce shared a story that provided a light bulb moment that explained what was going on.

In this brilliant book where they encouraged us to switch from asking

what's wrong with us to what happened to us so that we can heal, he shared about a case that he helped the FBI with.

Long story short, a little boy witnessed the abduction of his sister. It was crucial to get as much

information from him about what happened as quickly as possible, but understandably

he was traumatized. Time was of the essence though.

Dr Bruce talks about how it takes something like eight different encounters

for someone to feel as if they can trust you.

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