This is Annie Grace and you're listening to this naked mind podcast where without judgment,

pain or rules, we explore the role of alcohol in our lives and culture.

We're here today answering readers questions and today I have a question from Bob.

I'm going to call Bob Bob to protect his privacy but Bob says, I'm trying to stop drinking and my wife and I have both completed

your naked mind course and we're undertaking your 30-day challenge.

My wife has been much more successful than I have. She's 50 plus days alcohol free and I'm becoming very aware and mindful

of my triggers for drinking so thank you so much. Now although I have definitely improved my biggest problem is lying to my wife about drinking,

which she always finds out about. When I need that drink I secretly do it without telling my wife and then I lie about it.

I've hidden wine for when I need it later and then I feel so ashamed that I've drank again after days of not drinking.

My wife is very supportive and has told me that if I wanted drink I need to do it openly but I still feel ashamed.

I've tried very low alcohol beer and currently trying to drink alcohol free beer which most of the time seems to work.

My wife and I, my wife feels that unless I can be honest with her we might not have a future together.

We're currently receiving counseling which we both feel is going well. Apart from lying around my drinking, my wife tells me and I try to be that a dedicated husband,

father and person in general. I'd love to hear your thoughts and strategies to overcome this terrible habit of lying and to be honest within myself and anyone else,

everyone else around me which is the way I want to be. I've constantly lied about my drinking for years and years and years and although she gets me to grow,

blow and breath a lizer I still lie to her. Why do I do this and how can I stop? I'm breaking my relationship with lying and it is hurting everyone.

There's a lot of reasons that people lie and some of them are relatively easy to fix and some of them actually need significant therapy.

I think that Bob Couples counseling is excellent but that certainly for you is a couple and your relationship.

I would highly suggest meeting with somebody who is a therapist who is trained in something more specific like lying.

I think lying is an interesting thing because we think, oh, we'll just stop.

But like any addiction that's kind of turned into a habit, the O.L. just stop doesn't always work and so we need other strategies to put into place.

First let's look at why people lie. People lie because we behave badly and we want to look good to other people.

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