This is Annie Grace and you're listening to this naked mind podcast where without judgment,

pain or rules, we explore the role of alcohol in our lives and culture.

Hi, this is Annie Grace and welcome to this naked mind podcast. So today I have you on

Hi, how are you? Hey Annie, how are you? So excited to be on your podcast. So excited to to have this conversation. I'm very grateful.

That's so awesome. So I got to see recently you did a talk. It was almost like a TED talk on your journey and your story and it was amazing. It was super compelling.

So I'm excited to have you on to and be able to just share, you know, where, where everything is taking you and where it's going next, which is awesome. So why don't you start sort of at the beginning? Why don't you kind of back right up and tell me where everything kind of started from you?

Yeah, so to do that, I actually have to go to another country and it's Dominican Republic. So that's where I really grew up and there's a lot of fun.

There's a lot of dancing like with everything in the Caribbean and or I guess what some people assume and then there's a lot of drinking and that happened pretty regularly in my youth.

And I remember as I was as I was a little kid and I was just like playing hide and go seek in my in my home and and I remember one specific moment where my dad just like grabbed me and and while I was running with some friends and he's just like he sits me on his lap and I was probably like either six or seven.

He brings this glass up to me and I literally thought it was apple juice. So so he just like brings it up to me and then as soon as I taste it instantly I knew it's like this is an apple juice almost spit it back up and and and he just tells me and he's like laughing and all his friends are laughing and and he says he says that's beer and you have to learn how to drink that.

I remember like when you put me down and I was like I never want to drink that but I remember we're looking back and thinking like that's something that adults do that's something a man does and and that's how early my encounter with alcohol was and then and then as another moment that I think was was a pivotal moment in growing up in the Caribbean and and and was was actually in Christmassy so

December in general is just like this holiday month in the Caribbean and and and especially in the Dominican Republic and I remember that that there was this New Year's Eve party my parents were super excited because it was just like the place to be like on my entire family just wanted to be there they were super excited and so was I and my cousins were there and then friends and family a lot of people I didn't know as well and I was about like 12 I think like 11 or 12 years old.

And when I got there I felt so nervous I wanted to like I felt like this was going to basically set everything in place for the upcoming year.

But at the same time I felt like there was so many people that I want to connect with and and even growing up I remember just a lot of racing thoughts a lot of a lot of nervousness inside that I couldn't really put my finger on it and just not being able to articulate yeah so so all of a sudden I am into it so they tell all the kids like we're in this library and and and all the kids are just like hanging out there's music there's dancing and by this time there's just some sort of music that I'm giving to you.

I'm just one girl that I just want to talk to and I don't know how so I go to like my cousin he's a couple of years older and he's the cool kid in the room and there's everything about him that I want to emulate and I and I asked him I was like hey what do I gotta do to be cool and I remember he just took this tall glass no ice nothing just pours absolute vodka about halfway through he hands it over to me and he just says drink it and I remember that that was just like I want to

it so I wanted to be cool so bad and he that I just said whatever it takes and I did that and I just like gulp and I remember feeling the burning sensation and I remember almost like just having it all come up and I thought no I gotta do this I remember the tears coming down my ass and finally put it down there was like the guys were like clapping or whatever but what was happening inside was just crazy because I remember that all those like racing thoughts all those emotions those feelings that I just couldn't

articulate it's like when you're in a room and it's like a loud air conditioner all of a sudden it's like someone turned it off and I just I felt like I was present I felt in the moment and and I just walked over to the girl I talked to her I made some joke it was awesome and and and then there was dance I remember it was like probably like the best like five to 10 minutes of my life and then it went black

and and I woke up and I woke up the next day and it was I was in my grandmother's toilet and it was just horrible I actually ended up ruining Christmas Eve grounded for Christmas new years because it was so embarrassing for my parents because I actually made a mess of it but I remember that my dad told me

he said he said you just got to learn how to drink like a man and you'll figure it out and I didn't think about all the consequences or anything I just thought I need to figure out how to extend those like five to 15 minutes

so that's that's like how my journey started without going and then I wasn't I wasn't an active drinker then but I remember that every time that

that that nervousness came up that that sensation I remembered like I know what fixed this and that was always my go to and there were definitely days that that it was just like being able to find the balance but but as at least my my my life progressed it if not only became my my tool to kind of take the edge off for when I was nervous but also

when I was like feeling really bad and I the video that you mentioned and and I really appreciated your feedback so much because there I probably went into my story in a different way

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