Well, I hate to be the bear of bad news, but a few days ago while you were spending the

clavineless weekend, hunkered in your underground bunkers, wondering if in the aftermath you'd

be able to trade gold bars and water bottles for the last extant DVD of Southside with

you, it turns out we missed women's equality day.

I know right, very, very sad.

If we had been together for women's equality day, we could have begun to set aside the gender

differences imposed on us by society during the great society gender difference imposing

conspiracy, and we could have begun to treat one another as absolute equals.

If you're a woman, for instance, you could have stopped regarding me as if I were a quote

man, unquote, and begun to treat me just as you would treat a quote, woman, unquote,

if you were a quote man, unquote.

For instance, as I walked by in the hall, you could have said something like, good morning

glory, what's your story, and then given me a light slap on the backside.

And instead of reacting to you as if you were somehow a quote woman, unquote, I could

have reacted just as I would have reacted if a man had done that by punching you so hard

in the face that your ears flew off the sides of your head and embedded themselves in

arms and walls of the room.

All right, sorry about that, but unfortunately we missed women's equality day.

But all we can do is address one another politely as we pass, like gendered ships in the night,

heading for a life imprisoned within the sexual identities society imposed on us right after

two or three million years of human evolution created them.

But if only every day were women's equality day, then every woman would know that instead

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