The Wall Street Journal reports that Muslim billionaires are planning to build a

Disneyland-like theme park in the Middle East, so more local tourists will want a vacation at home.

The theme park will feature such beloved Islamic characters as Mickey Mosque and Donald Duck

for the love of God Duck. They'll also be a daisy duck for the love of God Duck,

but she won't be allowed to go out in public unless she's wearing a burka through which only her

beak is visible. The park was going to include a garden in which the flowers were planted to form

an image of Muhammad, but the gardener was stoned to death for making an image of Muhammad.

The park will be known as the Magic Caliphate, and will be advertised as the happiest place in the

Middle East, or at least the happiest place in the Middle East that isn't run by Jews. The

caliphate will be divided into various different themed lands, including yesterday land, where you

can bask in the ninth century Islamic golden age, when Allah's merciless armies had conquered enough

civilizations to milk them for a taste of culture before following the natural trend of the religion

back into savagery and primitivism. From there you can travel to fantasy land, where you can

pretend that destroying the state of Israel will improve your life instead of extinguishing the

one light of humane society anywhere near you and plunging your entire region into a long night

of cruelty and superstition. Then it's just a short hop through no liberty square to Europe land,

where you can make dark frowny faces about the decadence of western civilization while collecting

welfare and visiting strip clubs. And of course, what wouldn't a amusement park be without rides?

This one will include such sure to be favorites as the haunted mansion, where you can experience

chilling scenes of what it would be like if your religion turned out to be entirely untrue.

And when you blow yourself up, you don't go to heaven and get 72 virgins, but are instead dragged

into hell for all eternity, where you're tortured for your crimes against God and humanity.

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