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The Democratic National Convention kicked off its first day with the upbeat theme of working together,

a celebration of party unity that left 15 people dead and 72 injured.

The division in the party was so bad that the convention actually opened with a rendition of battle him of the Republic,

a song written to inspire the defeat of Democrats.

Democrats claim, however, that that was back in the battle days when Democrats kept black people helplessly dependent and took actions to break up their families.

Wait, that's actually the party platform.

It's confusing.

Bernie Sanders tried to bring unity to the party by telling his supporters to vote for Hillary Clinton,

and he was then booed by his own supporters.

As one Sanders voter put it, quote,

it's disgusting that this idiot Bernie Sanders would support Hillary Clinton when Bernie Sanders is so much better.

If Sanders continues to support Clinton, I'll be so angry, I'll ditch Sanders, and support Clinton.

Wait, maybe I should support Sanders to get back at Sanders for supporting Clinton,

but then that would mean supporting Sanders when he supported Clinton, when he should have supported Sanders, which would be wrong.

Anyway, the important thing is that no one in America should have to work to earn money, but everyone should be given money taken from the people who work to earn money, who should be no one.

Unquote.

...