I'm Natalie Lou and you're listening to the baggage reclaim sessions.

Hello hello hello. How are you?

How do you feel about your relationship experience? So the experience that you've gained in or out of romantic relationships. That is today's topic because one of the things I've noticed recently is that I'm hearing from a lot of people who feel really

afraid about dating and relationships or even just about spending time around family and friends because of how they feel that their relationship experience or lack of it is going to be judged.

Now, how qualified we feel to do something, you know, how much experience we think we have, you know, whether we think we have the right experience is something that we encounter when it comes to jobs

and careers.

There's this often cited report over the last several years.

I think it's from HP and it's been in various different books.

And what they basically show is about how when there's a job with five criteria,

a man will typically apply on three and sometimes on as little as two, but a

woman will try to have all five criteria before she would apply and sometimes we'll do it on four.

This goes to show how our perception of ourselves has a significant impact

on what we believe our options are, what we believe our capabilities are.

So there are people who know that they don't necessarily fit all of the criteria, but they're

going to have a go anyway.

They also maybe know that the process isn't necessarily for instance about having all of their criteria

and it is about well what experience do you have and what can you learn in this role and what can you build on from that?

A lot of us undersell ourselves.

And so we don't internalize our accomplishments

and achievements.

We don't internalize the experiences that we've had.

So it doesn't matter how qualified we are, how hard we've worked,

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