Ep. 153: Are They Being Unfair and Unreasonable?
The Baggage Reclaim Sessions
Natalie Lue
4.9 • 867 Ratings
🗓️ 27 September 2019
⏱️ 53 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
When people ask or expect you to do something, or you're wondering whether there's a boundary issue, do you question whether you are being fair and reasonable in wanting or needing to say/show no? Or do you struggle to work out whether *they're* being unfair and unreasonable? If so, help is at hand. Natalie breaks down how to figure this out by acknowledging the context including your bandwidth, feelings, what's being asked/expected, and how they're going about things.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | I'm Natalie Lou and you're listening to the baggage reclaim sessions. |
| 0:08.0 | Hello. Yes, you may have just noticed that my voice is a little bit croaky. I have one of those annoying |
| 0:16.6 | sort of September colds, which I think I've picked up from my youngest, who pretty much about a week or so after getting back to school |
| 0:24.3 | had picked up her back to school bug. So just in case you hear a little sniffle which |
| 0:30.5 | I am really going to try hard to hold back or I sound to the croaky |
| 0:35.0 | then you know why. |
| 0:36.7 | Okay, on with today's episode. |
| 0:41.7 | So I spend a lot of my time teaching people how to create healthy boundaries And the reason why I do this, just like I teach people |
| 0:57.1 | how to figure out what they're feeling and why to figure out their needs to distinguish unhealthy relationships |
| 1:06.8 | from healthy ones. The reason for that is because for a lot of us, I would say for a hell of a lot of us, these were not things that we were |
| 1:17.0 | consciously, actively taught about when we were children. And it's funny because we give ourselves such a hard time |
| 1:26.0 | for the fact that we, for instance, people please, |
| 1:29.8 | or that we struggle with perfectionism or that we overthink things. We give ourselves a hard |
| 1:36.5 | time because we struggle to say no or we feel guilty or we feel obliged or we've been in sucky |
| 1:41.9 | relationships. |
| 1:43.0 | And of course, yes, we do have to take care of ourselves. |
| 1:46.0 | We do have to figure out how to own our boundaries and figure out our values and needs and all the rest. But what we are not... and We were not taught about these things, but also it's too much to expect for us to have gone through the various experiences that we have in life and for us not to have arrived into adulthood or continued on in adulthood with mixed |
| 2:16.4 | messages and some misunderstandings. |
| 2:18.9 | So something I've stressed many times on the podcast and on the blog is that adulthood is about unlearning all of the harmful |
| 2:26.3 | and unproductive lessons that we've picked up along the way so that we can become more of who we are and |
| 2:32.2 | enjoy more fulfilling relationships and basically be, do and have more of the things that we want. |
| 2:37.0 | So one of those areas is around boundaries. |
... |
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