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It's a banner month for President Barack Obama, as he has now officially become the US President to have been at war longer than any other president in our history.

Obama celebrated the achievement in a meeting with the White House press corps, saying,

Buya, I knew I could do it, winning the Nobel Peace Prize was fun, but let's face it, they just gave it to me for being black, sort of like my Harvard degree.

This is something I did all on my own, and it's going to be a long time before anyone puts this record to bed.

The President took the unusual step of offering White House reporters Dixie Cups of Champaign telling them,

you know, those crazy conservatives are always talking about how much I love Muslims, the truth is I do love them. They're great for target practice.

There's something about blowing one of those bearded muzzelunatics away that just makes your goolees clank.

That's why I keep these wars going. I just can't get enough of killing Muslims.

Unquote. White House spokesman Josh Ernest later issued a clarification of the President's remarks in a statement saying,

in speaking about the tragic wars in the Middle East earlier today, the President was obviously satirizing the attitudes of his opponents and did not intend his statements to be taken literally.

President Obama later issued a clarification of Ernest's clarification in a statement saying, quote, like, hell I was, I don't have to run for office again, and I'm sick and tired of pandering to all those peacenic girly girls at the New York Times.

Bad enough, I have to count out every Negro with a grudge and all those homos who want to call it marriage when they do whatever unspeakable things they do to one another.

And what about those creeps who want to put on a skirt and make wee wee with the little girls? How wacko is that stuff?

Unquote. The White House immediately issued a clarification of Obama's clarification of their clarification, which said, quote,

we're sure the President wants to be mindful of his legacy and obviously misspoke in his characterizations of his core constituency. President Obama responded quickly clarifying the White House clarification of his clarification of their clarification saying, quote,

screw my legacy and screw you, Mr. Pasty faced Ernest, you damned up to the white man. Ernest went before reporters in the White House press room to clarify the President's clarification of his clarification clarifying Obama, clarifying him clarifying Obama, teller and reporters, quote, if that's the way the President wants it, then let me tell you what I really think.

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