Hello and welcome to Something's Off with Andrew Heaton. I'm your host Andrew Heaton and your hair is so shiny.

You must take really good vitamin supplements. I'm going to get in on that.

So most news programs are about to implode into a black hole of

2020 election speculation if they haven't all already. I'd rather not turn this

program into a play-by-play on the election, although I am up for talking

about the election once a week or so, but even then I'd rather focus on policy issues, which fortunately

I can do, because so far this audience seems to really like science fiction and

policy wonkery but I did have a thought over the weekend about Joe Biden and

Donald Trump which I will share with you. Instantly, I had this observation at an ostrich race,

so take it as you will.

Saturday I went to the Lone Star racetrack in Dallas to gamble and watch

exotic animal racing.

I assume ostrich races are like farm teams for horse jockeys.

I don't really know quite how jockeys climb up the totem pole,

but it makes enough sense to me that maybe you start out racing ostriches or

rumbas or whatever and then you work your way up to a Shetland pony. It turned out

though that these exotic animals were kind of interstitial sideshows

between normal horse racing, which is fine. I like horse gambling because

I bet based on how funny the name is and so far I seem to be as good or better than the guys with betting odds and Ritalin trying to crunch the numbers to beat the house.

And it's fine when I lose because at horse tracks you're allowed to jump around and scream and throw your hat on the ground.

I have more fun losing at horse racing than I do winning at poker.

You can get in some really solid cardio for $5 and a bunch of ponies.

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