Ep. 109 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

2 Bears 1 Cave

Society & Culture, Comedy

4.8 • 23.2K Ratings

🗓️ 29 November 2021

⏱️ 84 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

SPONSORS: - Head on over to https://Stance.com and pick out whatever styles you like. Enjoy the color and comfort of a life less ordinary… with Stance. - Go to https://ShipStation.com and use the code CAVE to get a 60 day free trial - To start comparing quotes and simplify insurance-buying, check out Policygenius: https://policygenius.com/2BEARS1CAVE. Thanks to Policygenius for sponsoring this video! - Get 15% off your first order, free shipping, and a 100% satisfaction guarantee, when you go to https://MeUndies.com/BEARS - Go to https://Amazon.com/CAVE to try Amazon Music Unlimited FREE for THREE months! - Go to https://SkylightFrame.com and enter code BEARS to get $10 off your purchase. It's time for 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer straight out of G-Bay studios! It was Bert's birthday so we reveal how Tom one-upped the last birthday gift given in the exchange: a chartered private jet. Bert starts getting anxiety about how he'll be able to top this gift and instead tries to pivot. The bears exchange some stories about jet ski accidents, a guy laughed at Bert when he said he felt skinny, and Bert has a great idea for experiencing history! They talk about how weird Hollywood casting decisions can get like with animated shows like Big Mouth, The Simpsons, Family Guy. Also, Bert decides that he's kept in a secret for long enough and he's tired of hiding it from the world. Bert Kreischer, the comedian you know and love, is coming out as fat and reveals hey burps and farts a hundred times a day and is constantly throwing up in his mouth. Is this normal? The bears then each describe their perfect day of eating while Bert begins to drool all over the table.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	Hey, what's carbonara? Type in carbonara. It's got bacon, fat, egg yellows, egg yolk.
0:07.6	Yeah, I'm doing a carbonara. Oh my god, my mouse warning on my dick's hard.
0:16.7	All right, the holiday season is upon us and you are going to need to buy gifts for your friends and family members.
0:22.6	And it can become stressful because you're sitting there going, what do I get someone?
0:25.9	I got a friend that is into Star Wars. I got another friend that's into Wu Tang. I got another friend that's into Disney.
0:31.9	A friend that's into Barbie, Bob Marley, major league baseball girlfriend. So, oh my god, one stop shopping over at Stance.
0:38.1	Stance is fantastic apparel and I love them because they have changed the style for the better and always provide high quality clothing.
0:47.4	You can do one stop shopping. Their favorite designs, they do have Harry Potter, they have Batman.
0:52.4	And I enjoy putting on socks. I put on socks before I go on stage and I like to find a pair of socks that fit the mood.
0:59.0	I'm in Wu Tang socks are my favorite socks that I got from Stance. I wear them all the fucking time.
1:04.0	They've got Wu Tang, they've got Pixar, they've got NBA, they've got major league baseball, they've got Disney, they've got Jill Perkins,
1:10.5	they've got Star Wars, they've got Goonies, they're soft, they're comfortable.
1:14.3	But what I love the most is the quality. The quality is they're high end socks. You're not putting bullshit on your feet.
1:19.4	Stance has a perfect gift for every punk or poet on your list. Go see for yourself. It's easy. Just head over to Stance.com and pick out some styles.
1:26.8	You think they might like enjoy the color and comfort of a life less ordinary with stance.
1:31.6	Okay, okay, we can't talk about that on the air. We're doing the podcast.
1:35.6	Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you own air.
1:37.6	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I love you.
1:39.5	I love you too. I'm sorry.
1:40.7	Can I tell you what I said to my wife the other day, Tom?
1:42.8	What did you say? I said to Liam.
1:44.7	Yeah.
	...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Previous episode | Next episode

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from 2 Bears 1 Cave, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of 2 Bears 1 Cave and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.