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Travel with me now, back through the misty mists of time to the very beginning, and remember how we started with just a shoe shine and a smile, broadcasting from a port of sand in the rear parking lot of a house of ill-reputed outside of Reno using only a paper cup for a microphone.

From those inauspicious beginnings, we slowly built our brand as a thought leader and philosophical guide who would boldly steer the electorate from a chaotic presidential campaign filled with accomplished and promising possibilities to the current clear choice among some of the worst human beings ever to run for high office in a country where the national anthem isn't like Kukuraccia.

And yes, it was we here at the Andrew Klavin show who, when brutal acts of terrorism filled the nation with fear and confusion, immediately lifted American spirits by going to a baseball game with a communist dictator and dancing the tango while mourning innocents scrape their relative's body parts off the street.

Oh wait, that wasn't us, that was the president of the United States.

No, no, it couldn't have been the president, only a bunch of knuckleheads like us would do something like that now it was the president.

Anyway, now today we turn a new page and open a new chapter and begin a new story with new characters and an entirely fresh approach.

Maybe we'll just do another show. Yeah, it's just do another show. It's easier.

Forget what I said about the other stuff. Now with our hearts high and our voices low, with our souls ascending and our pants on, with our spirits eager to answer the call of a higher purpose and our bodies desperate to answer the call of nature.

We say for the 101st time, Shrigger Warning, I'm Andrew Klavin and this is the Andrew Klavin show.

We...

If she dances before we die, then we'll rape a Hollywood.

Where you should be, think, if you read.

Oh, I'm trying, love, you may be done, I'm done.

We'll rape a Hollywood.

Alright, well that was so exciting.

We're gonna come down by talking about economics.

...