This is Annie Grace and you're listening to this naked mind podcast where without judgment,

pain or rules, we explore the role of alcohol in our lives and culture.

Hi friends, it's Annie Grace, author of this naked mind answering your questions.

So please, and post questions below.

Today I have a question and it's a personal question and the question is, did I relapse, like personally, in my journey through alcohol addiction?

I think I can answer in two different ways.

First of all, before I kind of stumbled upon, if you will, this naked mind and the approach that I took to stop drinking,

cutting back or quitting was basically impossible for me.

Like, I tried and I couldn't do it and I believed I was receiving a real true benefit from her alcohol.

It was almost impossible to even think about cutting back or quitting.

Now, I had so much fear about cutting back for two main reasons.

I thought stopping meant I would miss living.

I would have this subpar life and I would stop enjoying life and I truly kind of believed that was true.

And the other really big reason that it was so difficult for me was that I didn't believe I could actually do it.

Like, I thought why even try it because it's going to be impossible because I'm not the kind of person who can deprive myself and I just felt that I wouldn't be able to do it.

So I was so crippled by fear.

In my mind, I just continued to drink and when I would try to stop, they would be pretty pathetic attempts.

And I would just deal with the negative aspect. It was so terrifying to face the reality that I might need to stop altogether.

In hindsight, I think I had categorized my thoughts about drinking to two choices.

I could continue to drink until the negative completely eclipsed the positive of drinking, which I also understand people can call a rock bottom.

Or I could try to change my perception about alcohol actually being beneficial.

And I think that I had this tiny little voice in my head sometimes and especially at 3 in the morning when I'd wake up and I'd beat myself up for drinking the night before.

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