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Net Positive with John Crist

Enemas Closer (w/ Tim Hawkins)

Net Positive with John Crist

John Crist

Stand-up, Religion & Spirituality, Comedy

4.81.2K Ratings

🗓️ 5 March 2026

⏱️ 90 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

The state of comedy, punchlines, who is allowed on stage, and keeping your enemas closer … On the net, it’s a positive. ------ Tour Dates: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://johncristcomedy.com/tour/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ New Merch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://store.johncristcomedy.com/ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ----- SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS SHIPSTATION: Go to https://ShipStation.com and use code NETPOSITIVE to try ShipStation free for 60 days.  COVE: Go to ⁠https://covesmart.com⁠, and use code NETPOSITIVE for an additional 70% OFF your first order —easy,  affordable, and peace of mind guaranteed. PONCHO: Go to https://ponchooutdoors.com/netpositive for $10 off and free shipping on your first order. AG1 - Go to DRINKAG1.com/NETPOSITIVE to get a FREE AG1 duffel bag and FREE AG1 Welcome Kit⁠⁠⁠ ----- SUBMIT A VIDEO: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/NetPositiveMail⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ----- EMAIL US: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠netpositive@johncristcomedy.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ----- WRITE US: Net Positive P.O. Box 40268 Nashville, TN 37204 ----- Subscribe to the show on your favorite podcast platform, and follow us on social media for clips, bonus content, and updates throughout the week. ----- NET POSITIVE PODCAST ON SOCIAL: Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/netpositivepodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@netpositivepodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@netpositivepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ----- JOHN CRIST ON SOCIAL: YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/user/johnbcrist⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@johncristcomedian⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/johnbcrist/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/johnbcrist/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://x.com/johnbcrist⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://johncristcomedy.com/ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ----- PRODUCED BY: Alex Lagos: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/mralexlagos⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Easton Smith: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/eastonjsmith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Lagos Creative: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lagoscreative.co⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Roll in, ladies and gentlemen, episode 199. Wow, that's unbelievable. 199 episodes. It's almost four years of the pod. And we've been with you. Yeah, and let me just say, this one's coming out, this one's coming out late. People are already messaging me, where's the pod, where's the pod, where's the pod? We're sorry. We had a gigantic guest and he said, if we can get him, he's going to come in in the off times. in the off times.

0:24.0

Not many people will move the where's the pod, where's the pod? We're sorry. We had a gigantic guest and he said if we can get him,

0:21.7

he's going to come in in the off times. Not many people will move the schedule for. And you guys know. We move the schedule. We move to schedule. Tim Hawkins is in the house, ladies and gentlemen. We'll get to that in a second hot, hot episode of the show. We've got to do some unbelievable topics up front. Ladies and gentlemen, this weekend,

0:39.0

I am in Nashville, Tennessee. That show is sold out. And then we're going to next weekend.

0:42.7

Milwaukee, Jackson, Michigan, almost sold out. Rockford, Cedar Rapids, Columbia, Fayetteville,

0:49.0

Arkansas, two shows sold out Little Rock, Anaheim, California, three shows sold out Stockton, California.

0:57.0

Might get mugged while I'm there, and that's not necessary.

1:00.5

Thousand Oaks, California, El Paso, Tucson, Houston, two shows, Waco almost sold out.

1:05.4

Fort Worth, two shows.

1:07.5

Amarillo, Wilmington, Evans, Durham, Jacksonville, Asheville, Columbia, Mobile, Florence,

1:12.8

and rounding out this tour in June the 6th in Duluth, Georgia.

1:18.1

Hot episode of the show and hot new sponsor, ladies and gentlemen, welcome in Ship Station,

1:22.8

everybody.

1:24.4

Ship Station is here when your company is growing fast order fulfillment can make or break your success

1:30.2

i'm still waiting on something right now that i ordered a couple days ago not here probably

1:35.2

mad you know what they don't use ship station don't use intelligence driven platform brings order

1:40.5

management rate shopping inventory and returns warehouse system and comprehensive

1:44.6

analytics all in one place, save customers. Fifteen hours a week on fulfillment. Dude, this is,

1:50.2

there's a lot of people that are like, like we do our merch and like another company does it.

1:54.9

Yeah. And they take a lot of the profit. Right. Because they do it all. And there's also people

2:00.3

that are doing it all

2:01.8

themselves yep and this this is the perfect like in between for like hey my business is getting big

...

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