Hello. Hello. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Now, as adorable as he looks, do not feed Brit Hume on your way out.

Happy Wednesday, everyone. Well, it's day one of the partial government shutdown,

which means no paychecks will be sent to the dozens of government workers

who maintain Nancy Pelosi's face.

Newly surfaced documents show that Joe Biden needed note cards and photos to identify Hillary Clinton.

I think we have one of the photos here.

She's more masculine than that, I think.

Joe even needed note cards and photos to ID other prominent Democrats,

even including this one. Luckily, though, he was able to identify some Democrats strictly

by smell. According to her publisher, Kamala Harris's new book is on track to be the best-selling memoir of 2025,

beating out Jesse Waters' new children's book, The Boy with the Storebought Hair.

Heartwarming.

A Florida man is accused of killing and eating two of his pet peacocks.

You can do that, asked one man.

Only two asked another.

Wait, did someone say three cocks?

Asked a third man.

Yes. All right.

Speaking of Don Lemon, yesterday he said something is broken inside white men,

prompting his husband to ask, maybe it just needs new batteries.

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban are divorcing after 19 years.

What are you with? Some kind of sicko?

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