Welcome back, Mahal Meetapart2 with the absolute freaking legend herself, Elle McPherson. And let's be honest guys, when you hear her name, you just think supermodel, beautiful, who has probably zero problems, but let me tell you. Just like every woman on this planet, we all have things that actually break our heart, we have things that knock us to our knees. We have moments of those enlightenments that I need to change my life. I want to transform. I want to reinvent. I don't care what age I am, even if people are telling me I shouldn't. I am going to keep showing up and live the life that I want and that is the power of her story. She's all about freaking living in her purpose, connecting with her body and embracing life from the inside out in her 60s. Now guys, in this part, Elle gets freaking real. She gets more and damn is she inspiring because she talks about the hard lessons that she learn about love, about being cheated on, about having to let go and finally finding herself when she realized she didn't even know what food she liked. She had lost herself so much to her relationship. She talks about how herself care ritual has kept her feeling energised and freaking thriving in her 60s and yes it is way beyond just the green juices and the yoga poses guys because we all know that it takes real effort and focus and time and energy and she shares exactly what she does. And then finally, you're gonna wanna stay for this one. She talks about the one piece of advice that she wished that she could go back and tell her younger self. So if we can learn from her, maybe we can also save years of our life, people pleasing and showing up for everybody else. So let's dive right back in with my girl, the Aussie Supermodel Elle McPherson right here on Women of Impact. Let's go. All right now in your six days what love lessons do you wish you would learn sooner? I don't feel that I truly understood love until now and I thought there was there was a lot of box ticking, ticking. He's really successful in what he does. He likes the same things as I do. Oh, he has his children, the same ages me. Oh, we both like hiking in the morning. We're both. So there's all that sort of box ticking where it looks good on paper, but when you're living

the relationship between the two of you, there's no harmony and peace and alignment. That's when it can be really difficult and every relationship is there to teach you. And you can learn the easy way or you can learn the hard way, but as long as you learn, that's all that matters. every relationship that I've had I've learned a lot about myself through those

relationships. And there's been good times, you know, joyful times and not so joyful times, but it's always been worthwhile. How do you think about then attraction versus connection? That's a huge one. Thank you for bringing that up because sometimes I feel that we attracted to somebody. We like the way they look, we like their job, we like what they say to us, we like their car, we like the way they dress. You know, you get the hots for them, you feel, oh, you know, he just totally rocks my world. And that's attraction, but connection is so much deeper and much more long lasting. I mean, you have connection with your husband, you've been together for 24 years. You would not be together if you did not have a soul connection that went beyond all the other outside things. And that's what is so important. That has longevity. It has the opportunity to bring great joy, fulfillment. It's a true connection. I love the way you define those. And the one thing that when I first got with my husband is like aging is inevitable. Like sometimes I think women fear aging. And I'm just going to speak for myself. I I think of it as you've got two choices. You age or you die. True. But the beauty isn't this thing. The beauty comes from your heart. It's who you are as a being. It's, and we all are beautiful. So it's not that skin deep thing. It is so deep and we talk a lot about this with welcome., my wellness brand, is that beauty is an essence that emanates from you and it's a sense of vitality, it's a sense of charisma, it's a sense of kindness, it's a sense of assuredness, confidence, and in a relationship, the idea of, you know, longevity in a relationship or longevity in life, It's not the years in your life, it's the life in your years. So it's how are you? How are you being at every given moment? You know, retain that childlike curiosity. Be interested. Listen, be willing to play. All those things make people charismatic. There are actors that are not particularly beautiful or actresses that are not particularly beautiful, but you're so drawn to them. They're so charismatic. If you think of Seychee Gansbourg, he was a French singer. And he was, you know, missing teeth, he was sort of like he had a face that traditionally people would not think was very beautiful, but he had the most beautiful women. He went out with Brigitte Bardot and he went out with Jane Burkin. And these beautiful women were attracted to him, but they were attracted to who he was. And they found him attractive, beautiful. They found a connection with him. So to focus on that true essence, that true inner beauty is how you navigate that fear of whether you have wrinkles or whether your skin changes or whether the shape of your body changes. It's about how does that person feel when they're with you? Do they feel seeing, heard, loved, respected, valued? That is what people are looking for. Do you also think confidence in someone that it's just so attractive? And maybe that's the guy where he's just so confident that people are attracted to him. But as you talk about the difference between attraction and connection, if people think of attraction as being very surface, you'll always be disappointed, like always, because if you're with that person for longer than a few months, people change. And so if there's a way even to find the attraction and the connection, right? So like I'm attracted to the connection

that me and my husband have. And so now it can sustain the test of time because it doesn't matter how old we are. We've married, I married I was 22 years old, we've got married. So thinking about I wanna be married until I take my last breath, which hopefully I'm over a hundred, which means you better believe at 90. my boobs are gonna be a little saggy and like I'm gonna have aged.

But if I'm always focused on being attracted to the connection we have, you can see that we can sustain that in our 80s and 90s. Absolutely. And it's about evolution and being flexible, you know, not so much that you're compromising yourself, but being flexible things change, you know, your partner made a side that they want to make a career change. Flexibility is so important in a relationship, allowing them to do what moves them, as long as it doesn't compromise who you are, or, you know, hurt you in any way. You may not agree with it, you may not be your first choice, but to allow them their journey. And I think there have been times in my relationships where I had a preconceived idea of who I thought they were going to be and they better live up to that. Because if not, I was going to be disappointed and if I was disappointed, then I was going to be miserable and then if I was going to be miserable, I'd have to leave and if I have to leave, then what am I going to do? So it's um, that connection, that soul connection is so important. And so now having gone through those experiences and you've done a lot of work on yourself, how do you think about love? This book is really a book about love. It's my journey from my head to my heart and And that has been a lifelong journey. And my son, when he read it, he said, Mama, this is really a love story. Love of life, love of myself, love of others. And I feel that love is not confined to a romantic partner necessarily, It is a act of being in everything that we do every day. Our life is about love. How do we bring much more love and consciousness into our life? And that's what we're here to do. Be love, feel love, express love in always shapes and forms in all circumstances, not just romantic love. I love that. And you spoke about evolution, like really kind of evolving. And so I'd love if you don't mind now to talk about your alcoholism, because I think that I've never had that issue, but it's so relatable whether it's alcoholism or something else, you end up kind of caught in this cycle. Right. And as you're in that cycle, you end up giving yourself potential excuses of why you're there. And so I think that that can be part of the track. So I'd love the takeaways and how you were able to look at alcoholism, say that it wasn't serving you and then work to, you know, make sure that you never touch a drop again. It's very powerful in the journey. You took in the steps that I think anyone can do wherever they're stuck in anything. And so I'd love to actually start with how you talk about the excuse. So being a Brit, I totally understand where you're like, well you just say, I'm an Aussie, which way? I'm talking to me about the power of excuses. And then how you start to realize it's actually an excuse. I believe that anything that we do repetitively, that harms us is an addiction. So it's almost like you're addicted to harming yourself. It doesn't matter what flavor it takes and it can be behavioral. It can be drugs and alcohol. It can also be relationships. It could be ways of thinking. I'm shit, I'm shit, I'm shit, everything I do turns to shit, I'm afraid, I can't do this, like there is as much addiction to people being attached to those belief systems that are disempowering in their life and they just do it over and over and over and over again and sure enough their life presents exactly what they keep thinking you know what you think what you feel you make real. And so for me it was a slow realization. It wasn't like I had a little insight like hmm I seem to be able to drink more vodka than everybody else. That's kind of interesting or it's funny sometimes I drink and I'm totally fine and sometimes I drink and I can't remember what I did. So I had little signs along the way but I was never sort of a fall down messy drunk and people said to said to me, you've really got a problem, you've got to get yourself to rehab. I just realized along the way with the help of a therapist that I wasn't truly present in my life. And I wanted to be a good mom. You know, I wanted to be the best mom I could be and I was not being the best mom I could be if I wasn't showing up present. And when I say present, I showed up. I was up at six in the morning, feeding the kids and getting them just for school and taking them to school and together, the running, do the howl, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,, blah, blah, I showed up, but I wasn't really present. I wasn't present in the sense that I wasn't connected to myself. I was using alcohol to numb feelings, feelings of insecurity, feelings of not knowing, not knowing how to handle situations, wanting to be a good mom, not knowing how. And then that was really painful for me, not knowing how to play with my children. And so I just, I don't want to think about that, so I'll just have a few drinks. I feel fine. And so it was a very slow unraveling of being empowered in my life and living the life that I wanted to live, just simply put.

And I needed help. So I went to rehab and then I have been committed to going to AA meetings because I wanted to. I wanted to port and I found incredible support through AA and through staying but I'm 21 years so.

That's amazing.

I know, thank goodness.

Holy shit.

It's easy for me to remember because I have a 21-year-old son, and I got sober when he was born just after he was born. And it was extremely important for me to stop the cycle of addiction. And somebody said something to me once. They said, you know, I, I said, look, everything's perfect in my life, really. I mean, nobody ever says to me during too much. I haven't lost anything. I haven't lost my looks. I haven't lost my husband. I haven't lost money. I haven't lost my home, which a lot of people do through alcoholism. And the guy just said to me, you know, You don't have to hit rock bottom. You can get off on the fourth floor You don't have to go to the ground floor and that was so sobering to me. I thought you know what? None of those things have happened to me yet But the way I'm going they could and And it doesn't have to be like that. I can just get help. And that's what I did. Was there any debate on whether you should get help or not? Because I'm just projecting or predicting. And I don't know if this is true. So please correct me. I just think like, okay, you're so, you're famous. Everyone knows your name. Everyone knows who you are Even if you're no one knows you you worry. Oh my god. What if Jane down the road finds out that I've gone to rehab right like everyone Jane down the road finds out that I sit at home drinking by myself vomiting About that shit like it's literally like your neighbor your uncle's yeah, I's cousin who's gonna find out. And so now I just think of even more pressure than the entire world knows your name. Was there any debate of whether you should or not go to rehab and there was, oh great, okay. No, I was not thinking about what other people thought of me at that time. I was thinking about what I thought of me and how I was showing up in my life. And we're going to take a quick break by homey, but when we come back, Elle is going to share her top habits that keep her strong and centered, even in her 60s. I've already had my homey things just sticking around. Now let's just dive right back in. No, I was not thinking about what other people thought of me at that time. I was thinking about what I thought of me and how I was showing up in my life. And yeah, I think at that point when you're really looking for help, where the difference was, was that for a while I thought that it was outside of me. So I was a victim of my circumstances. Oh, you would drink if you had that. You would drink if this happened to you. You would drink if you know. And when I realized that there was nothing outside going on in my life that had more power than what was going on within me, the realization of what was going on within me that I had the power to make change. It wasn't for the people around me to change. Oh, if he was just a bit nicer to me, I wouldn't drink so much. No, if I didn't drink so much, maybe he'd be a bit nicer too. Or maybe you'd walk away and not accept that. Exactly. That wasn't my case. But that is a case that I hear from people. And so no shame in getting sober at all. And in fact, I celebrate every day. I am so grateful that I had the courage and the willingness to take the steps. And was relatively easy over time. You know, much easier than, you know, drinking myself to a stupa. Oh yeah. Also, if you had the phrase, like, choose your heart. Right? Where it's like, everything's going to be hard, so just choose which heart you want. Yeah. One of the reasons why I asked is that I know that that can be a sticking point for a lot of people. It's the judgment and the shame or the feeling around it because I know some people are not

about actually drinking, but it made me think some people still have stigma around therapy.

And so I knew somebody that was really struggling and I was like, look, I've got access to a lot of people like, I will help you go and seek therapy and they were like, no, they were just so adamant. I back to, it must be a belief system they have about what this means about them. Well, I think people are afraid of change. So they're quite happy in what they know. I'll keep the circumstance because I know, I know how to deal with this. I don't know how to deal with what could happen when things change. And so I'd rather sit in the uncomfortability of the known, then step outside of my comfort zones into the unknown. And so people say, stock, because they'd rather better the devil, you know. Yeah, exactly. I find super fascinating about your book. I mean you share so many stories like I've said, but there's stories that you really do just own and in the power of those really hard stories to read I think is such an incredible message and when you talk about your alcoholism there is one story where you say you were so desperate for a drink you you can't get the lid off a vodka bottle. So you smash the vodka bottle and you pour yourself a shot and you're like, I'm sure I'm drinking glass, but you just had to be careful. I didn't care. Yeah, that was a turning point for me. But it was not the turning point of I'm sure I'm drinking glass. The turning point was my therapist had said to me,

see if you can go to a visa because I wanted to go to a visa for this summer. See if you can go to a visa and not drink. And I'm like, yeah, of course I can. You know, I mean, I just, I've never really tried to not drink. So I'll just not drink. The shock was that I, once I got in my head that I wanted to drink, nothing was going to stop me. And that's when the penny dropped was like,

what? The shock was that I, once I got in my head that I wanted to drink, nothing was going to stop me. And that's when the penny dropped, was like, wow, this is more powerful than me at this moment. So it had nothing to do with the shards, of course. The reality was, oh my god, she's right, I cannot go this amount of time without drinking. Something's going to trigger me that's going to want me to find relief outside of myself. I don't have any other coping mechanisms that I'm used to using, I have exercised, I only know that coping mechanism. And it saved me, drinking for a long time saved me, because it saved me from having to feel feelings that were super uncomfortable. It was a great safety net in some ways. Really great way to avoid uncomfortable things. And it was a sort of coping mechanism to get through things until it wasn't. And then when it wasn't, it really wasn't. Yeah. The reason I really wanted to point that story out is how many of us metaphorically drink the shards of glass. And as I was reading it, it did feel universal because again, like, I've drunk many shards of glass, right? Like metaphorically, I absolutely have. And how the hell are that work for you? Oh, not great at all. There you go. It's like, the shit, I look back in my life. But it becomes those powerful moments. And so with everything we've been discussing today and with your book, you really do have these moments of pillars that can be a signal to just so many women that you're not you don't have to be stuck. And so it really is a book of hope. And so now I would love to if you don't mind talk about your cancer diagnosis. Obviously in the media everyone's trying to make it very click baby and extreme. But I'd love to hear just from you. Like that must have been a heart breaking when you get the diagnosis. But the influx of opinions, information, judgment, oh, you should do this, you should do that. How are you able to come still and make decisions for you? That's exactly what the chapter is about. How do you find your way, your compass, how do you connect to your heart, how do you make decisions when faced with fear? And in my case, it was a life or death type of situation. It's not always a life or death situation, but it can feel like it when you're in fear. And that whole chapter is not a roadmap of what to do if you get cancer.

It's a roadmap of how to make a decision when you're in fear because when you're in fear, it's very hard to get clarity. When there's turbulence, when there's a lot of noise outside, a lot of opinions outside, a lot of people telling you what you should do, what they think you should do, you're telling yourself what you think you should do.

And that chapter is, is really... telling you what you should do or what they think you should do, you telling yourself what you think you should do.

And that chapter is really about how to slow down and to really get in touch with your innocence. And use that innocence in making decisions. And that's what I had to do in my case because I did not make a decision in a frivolous way. And I didn't make a decision to make a point. I did an incredible amount of research for the particular type of cancer that I had and circumstances that I was in and I researched and I researched and the most interesting thing was with everybody that I spoke to specialists on college specialists, heads of hospitals, everybody had a different opinion on what's the best thing to do. And so there were no sure assurances either way, whether I took a natural protocol or whether I took a pharmaceutical protocol, nobody said, oh, this is going to be 100 percent cure. You know, you're going to get through this. There were pros and cons on both sides. And when you have all that information on the outside, it's how do you get quite and figure out what truly feels like it's going to be the best thing for you? And I talk about that and it's about how to stop, relax, listen, trust, trust you're in the sense. And then act upon it because there's no point going, oh well I got that hit on doing something but then I didn't act on it. So you have to act on it. And then you make decisions as they go along, you know. And that's what I did. And I committed a thousand percent to my protocol and I had this fortunate because I was already disciplined from being sober. I was willing. I wanted to live. I wanted the best outcome for myself. I wanted to be a present-loving parent for always. And so I committed a thousand percent to, you know, the task at hand, without drama, with care, but without drama. So many people don't listen to themselves. I mean, we've, I think this has been a very common theme in today's interview and discussion because people don't go internal. A lot of us women have been trained to just

listen to the expert. We listen to the professionals, we listen to all their opinions, we again, we listen to the things that we should do. The fact that you were able to block out that noise and go inwards is tremendous. And I think people need to do what is right for them. but the one thing that's super powerful is you didn't blindly follow and whatever

someone And I think people need to do what is right for them. But the one thing that's super powerful is you didn't blindly follow. And whatever someone chooses to do again, that's not my business, but it is important to know that you didn't just blindly follow and how many of us blindly follow the expert with the title. Now again, doctors are necessary. I'm not saying that at all, but to your point, you enter how many different people, 30 different people and they all give you different opinions. So how the hell do you know what is right for you? I think going inwards is the one thing that you can do and then never regret. And never regret because your heart will never lead you astray. And for me, you know, it was important to research. As I mentioned in my book, I did a spreadsheet. I'm like, okay, I could do this, this, this, this, I could do it this way with this doctor here and the other. I did so much research and I was so educated. And I listened, I listened to what everybody had to say. And then I took all that information and then I went inside myself and then I made a decision based on what felt right. It wasn't just a sort of flippant decision. It was a combination of research and then really feeling what felt aligned for me based on what I'd learned. One of the really hot breaking things that you talk about about this, it really hit me when I read it. When you first find out the diagnosis and you're like, I've got to tell my kids, I've got to tell my husband, you say I didn't want to be another burden. When I read that, I had to read it a couple of times. It was like a knife in the freaking heart girl. How many of us feel like we were a burden? You had cancer and you're saying, but it's because people didn't know me. You know, and people worry and you don't want people you love to worry. And then what are we going to do and how we're going to cope and I just felt I wanted to sort it all out myself and in fact it was a really you know powerful way because I didn't get I didn't tell anybody I mean apart from my kids and my partner at the time, I didn't get caught up in the drama of it. I had a lot on my plate and I just focused on what I had to do. And so there was no room for trying to manage other people's fear and fear can be contagious. And I was already so afraid. And I was confused and I didn't understand and I was trying to find out why and how and what do I do about it and how do I make a decision, how do I implement a decision, what do I do exactly, how did I get this, why did I get this? You know, we have all those questions, and that in itself is really big stuff. And if you, you know, if you couple that with trying to manage other people's fears around it, it becomes overwhelming. So I decided to keep very quiet and keep very focused on healing. Not the drama of the fact, oh my god, she has cancer. That's very powerful and I'm sure very hard to do. But it broke my heart and thinking how many of us women feel like we're a burden when it's something that is out of our control. And then how many of us women feel like we have to manage other people's fears and emotions around something. And we really do take on so much weight. It's like you're really freaking dealing with cancer on me. And now you're worried about having to deal with other, and understand right, you're mothers, you want to be very protective of your kids or want to respect that. But just how often do we start to think of everyone

else? Even when you've been diagnosed with cancer. So it was just, it was a very powerful reflection of how we women are and how we respond to things, whether it's cancer or some other really hot, you know, heartbreaking news. We tend to put the importance on things that are outside ourselves and it's to become empowered to regain that command of our life by first focusing on your own well-being. Because if you're not well, I mean, when I say, well, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally, because, you know, wellness isn't just the absence of disease. Wellness is, you know your emotional wellbeing spiritual and mental and physical wellbeing. And so we look outside ourselves for joy, love, or security, acceptance, and answers. We listen to other people's perspectives on things and we take them on board as if they're our own.

And if they are, if somebody outside has an opinion or a feeling or a perspective on things that resonates with you, great.

But just make sure it resonates with you.

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