EAT LAY SHOVE

Absolutely Not

Dear Media

Callin, Humor, Aperol, Arts, Comedian, Entertainment, Advice, Personal572339, Funny, Instagram, Hotline, Female, Comedy, Heathermcmahon

4.9 • 13.6K Ratings

🗓️ 22 June 2022

⏱️ 54 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather chats with her genuine friend, Jackie Schimmel. They discuss their summer plans to move to Europe, Eat all the food, lay horizontal and release their aggression on innocent bystanders through shoving and pushing tourists. It's unhinged, it's dialed in and it's insane.

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Produced by Dear Media

Transcript

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0:00.0	The following podcast is a deer media production.
0:06.6	Welcome to the absolutely not podcast where we do the most in the least at the same damn time.
0:12.4	I'm your host Heather McMahon.
0:20.2	I'm literally taking out a throat loss and right now I'm just putting it on my calendar planner
0:24.3	and I'm going to pick it up in about five minutes and start sucking on it again.
0:27.0	That's where I'm at Jackie Shimmel. How are you?
0:28.8	Oh, couldn't be better.
0:30.7	He couldn't be better.
0:31.9	Can I just say before we launch into this episode?
0:34.8	Heather and me were, you know, yanting the attack's message late last night and a very round about way.
0:41.0	Heather starts bitching about not being able to book a guest and I got a batch all these for the wedding.
0:45.1	And I'm like, you know what?
0:46.5	You fucking slut.
0:47.7	If you want me to come on your podcast, I feel like at this point in the friendship,
0:52.0	you should just ask, I left you on Ventura Boulevard last week.
0:54.9	Cut the shit, Heather.
0:56.4	Hi, you left me on Ventura Boulevard with crippling diarrhea, actually.
1:03.9	Guys, no, to go on the air one celery juice.
1:06.8	It will rip you into it.
1:08.8	It will literally destroy you from tip to tank.
1:11.6	It's not worth it.
1:12.6	Don't do it.
	...

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