E258: Weed, Alcohol, and Sex: What's Actually Happening to Your Body and Desire

Pillow Talks

Vanessa & Xander Marin

Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 2.6K Ratings

🗓️ 30 April 2026

⏱️ 65 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Whether it's a glass of wine to take the edge off or a gummy to get out of your head, a lot of people use substances to feel more relaxed, more connected, or more in the mood. But there's a lot more happening under the surface than most people realize. In this episode, we're pulling back the sheets on how alcohol and marijuana actually affect desire, arousal, communication, and orgasm — including some real talk from our own experience and candid responses straight from our Pillow Talks community. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Why we're upfront about our bias as sober people — and why some of our worst sex happened while intoxicated The real reasons people turn to substances for sex What our community shared about their own experiences — from laughing too hard to try anything, to not being able to orgasm at all The dangers that don't get talked about enough: impaired judgment, consent confusion, emotional flattening, and how substances can make it harder to get aroused, get wet, get hard, or finish The long-term patterns to watch for, including building a dependence on substances just to feel intimate Is sober sex awkward at first? What to do if your libido is low and you're wondering if weed might help How to tell your partner that sex while intoxicated makes you uncomfortable What to do if you're the one who's been relying on substances to get in the mood and you want to change that This one is honest, a little vulnerable, and genuinely useful, whether substances are a regular part of your sex life or you've never even thought about it. 🕯️ Want more connection, intimacy, and spark in your relationship — every single month? The Spark is our $9/month subscription designed to keep the fun, curiosity, and closeness alive in your relationship. Fresh intimacy prompts, date ideas, and conversation starters delivered monthly Designed for real couples with real lives (not just the honeymoon phase) Easy to fit in, impossible to ignore Only $9/month — less than a latte, way better for your relationship 👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://buy.vmtherapy.com/the-spark?utm_term=podcast 💛 Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cure. Staying hydrated isn't just about water - you also need electrolytes. That's why we love Cure. It's clean and tastes great! Real ingredients. Real hydration. You can grab Cure on Amazon or find a store near you. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Birch. We want all our listeners to enjoy a deep, restful night's sleep with a new mattress from Birch and get 20% off. ➡︎https://birchliving.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow 👏Thanks StoryWorth. This year, give Mom a gift that helps her reflect on her life with fresh perspective and gives your whole family the gift of her stories. Mother's Day is Sunday, May 10th. Order RIGHT NOW and sve up to $20. ➡︎https://storyworth.com/pillow 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first box of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Habitual usage around sex can create dependence on substance to feel intimate. Like a lot of people say, you know, yeah, I need to have a glass of wine. I need to have a cocktail before we have sex. And it gets to the point where you feel like you can't have sex unless you've had that. Like you really become reliant on, I need this thing to take that edge off for me.
0:27.9	Hello and welcome to the Pillow Talks podcast. We're your host, Vanessa, and Zander Marin.
0:34.1	I'm a sex therapist with over 20 years of experience. And I'm just a regular dude. We share the
0:39.2	ups and downs in our relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours.
0:44.4	Make sure you subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical
0:49.4	relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and
0:55.8	so much more. It's the sex education you wish you'd had.
1:01.6	Okay, we're back at it. We are. We've been releasing episodes every week, but you and I have not
1:08.3	sat down and recorded a podcast together in a month.
1:12.5	God, I actually hadn't thought of that. It has been a month. That's wild. I feel a little rusty.
1:18.0	Yeah, do we have it still? We'll see. Give us a few minutes. Yeah, Zander was on a surf trip.
1:25.9	I mean, you had just like the bougiest last couple of weeks possible. He was on a surf trip. I mean, you had just like the bougiest last couple of weeks possible.
1:30.3	He was on a surf trip and then he met me for a couple's vacation.
1:35.3	So you had two vacations back to back. What a life.
1:38.3	True.
1:39.3	Though, I mean, my cabin on the boat was not particularly bougie.
1:42.3	No, it was not.
1:43.3	It was a very functional trip.
1:45.8	It was about surfing a lot, which we did.
1:48.1	And it was awesome.
1:48.9	Bougy in the sense that you had two vacations back to back.
1:51.7	That's never happened before.
	...

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