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Pillow Talks

E259: Sex and Intimacy After Kids: What Actually Works (From Parents Who've Figured It Out)

Pillow Talks

Vanessa & Xander Marin

Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.82.6K Ratings

🗓️ 7 May 2026

⏱️ 65 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

This one's for the sleep-deprived, the time-starved, the diaper-changing, homework-helping parents who still want to feel like a couple. We see you. And we asked our community to help us show up for you in a big way. In this episode, we're reading real responses from real parents — practical, doable ideas and a little tough love for making intimacy a priority again, even with kids in the house. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Why we talk about parenting and intimacy even though we don't have kids ourselves The #1 thing our parent community says completely changed their sex life (hint: it involves your calendar) How to stop resentment before it builds The small acts of emotional intimacy that go a long way The little rituals making a real difference Timing hacks that real parents swear by The privacy solutions couples are using so they can actually relax Mindset shifts that unstick couples from dry spells and all-or-nothing thinking A powerful DM from a parent in our community that will challenge you, encourage you, and maybe make you tear up a little Your relationship isn't something you'll get back to someday. This episode is the reminder you needed to start now. ✨ Want a simple, fun way to keep the spark alive every single month? The Spark is our $9/month subscription packed with fresh intimacy prompts, date ideas, and conversation starters — designed for real couples with real lives. 👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://vmtherapy.com/spark Talking to your kids about sex and relationships doesn't have to be awkward — but it does have to happen. Beyond The Birds & The Bees is our guide to having honest, age-appropriate conversations with your kids about bodies, relationships, and healthy sexuality — so they hear it from you first. Practical scripts and conversation starters for every age Takes the guesswork (and the cringe) out of the talk Helps you raise kids with healthy attitudes about sex and relationships Because the best gift you can give your kids is parents who aren't afraid to go there 👉🏻 Check out Beyond The Birds & The Bees here: http://vmtherapy.com/kids 💛 Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. This spring, give yourself the kind of comfort that lives with you all day — not just the moment you get home. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Birch. We want all our listeners to enjoy a deep, restful night's sleep with a new mattress from Birch and get 27% off. ➡︎https://birchliving.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

At some point, you have to decide, are you going to keep proving why it can't work or start

0:05.3

figuring out how it can?

0:07.3

Because one path keeps you stuck exactly where you are and the other leads to a relationship

0:12.4

that actually feels alive again.

0:14.8

And you both deserve that.

0:25.6

Hello and welcome to the Pillow Talks podcast. We're your host, Vanessa and Zander Marin.

0:28.6

I'm a sex therapist with over 20 years of experience.

0:31.6

And I'm just a regular dude.

0:33.6

We share the ups and downs in our relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours.

0:39.1

Make sure you subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice,

0:45.7

hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more.

0:51.9

It's the sex education you wish you'd had.

0:56.3

This episode is for the sleep deprived, the time starved, the diaper changing, homework-helping parents

1:03.8

who still want to keep the spark alive. We asked our parenting community about their top

1:10.6

tips for other parents. So we're

1:12.6

going to be reading these real responses from other moms and dads, pulling out the practical,

1:17.7

doable ideas you can try tonight or this weekend, and giving you some honest encouragement for

1:22.8

making intimacy a priority again, even with kids in the house. Short, simple, realistic.

1:29.0

This episode is full of tiny rituals, surprising hacks, and hard-won wisdom that actually

1:34.1

works for busy parents.

1:36.3

But before we get into it, I think we kind of need to address the elephant in the room.

1:41.6

Or the elephant in the room for some people.

...

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