E257: Am I The Asshole? Oversharing, Snoring, and Body Shaming

Pillow Talks

Vanessa & Xander Marin

Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 2.6K Ratings

🗓️ 23 April 2026

⏱️ 64 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

One of our favorite series is back. You sent us your wildest, messiest, most "wait… am I the problem here?" relationship stories. And we have opinions. We're talking about a wife who's been sharing intimate details about her husband with her entire family for years (but only good things, so it's fine… right?). A partner who was a little too honest about his wife's body (brutal). Neighbors banging on the ceiling mid-sex. And a whole lot more. Some of these had us genuinely torn. Others? Not so much. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Is it okay to talk about your sex life with friends and family… even if your partner doesn't know? When "just being honest" about attraction crosses a line The initiation that was so bad it killed the mood instantly What happens when your neighbor tries to police your sex life Our honest takes on every single one (and we don't always agree) Whether you're here to feel validated, get a reality check, or just enjoy some relationship drama that isn't yours… this one's a fun ride. 🔗 Links & Resources Catch up on past AITA episodes: https://vmtherapy.com/episode199 https://vmtherapy.com/episode187 https://vmtherapy.com/episode155 https://vmtherapy.com/episode135 https://vmtherapy.com/episode125 🔥 Want to give your partner the best foreplay they’ve ever had? The Ultimate Foreplay Guides are our step-by-step guides to expertly pleasuring your partner, with detailed techniques, animated GIFs, and audio walkthroughs. • Over 100 unique techniques for fingering, oral, hand jobs, and blow jobs • Beautiful animated illustrations so you know exactly what to do • Written and audio versions of both guides • Inclusive language and visuals, because everyone deserves great pleasure Stop guessing and start giving your partner a “my soul just left my body” experience. 👉🏻 Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: https://buy.vmtherapy.com/ultimate-foreplay-guides? Stay connected 💛 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Let this Mother’s Day be a reminder that she deserves care, too — discover how Cozy Earth turns everyday routines into moments of softness and ease. Use code PILLOW to get up to 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Birch. We want all our listeners to enjoy a deep, restful night's sleep with a new mattress from Birch and get 20% off. ➡︎https://birchliving.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	I think this is a really interesting question. If you live in a space, whether it's an apartment complex or with roommates, where others could hear you, are you obligated to be quiet when you have sex?
0:16.1	Hello and welcome to the Pillow Talks podcast.
0:21.7	We're your host, Vanessa, and Zander Marin.
0:24.3	I'm a sex therapist with over 20 years of experience.
0:27.3	And I'm just a regular dude.
0:28.9	We share the ups and downs in our relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours.
0:34.6	Make sure you subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex
0:38.6	tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind
0:44.6	closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you'd had.
0:51.5	We are back today with a fan favorite series. Am I the Asshole?
0:58.4	Also a personal favorite. I love these episodes.
1:00.6	I do too. So we cannot take credit for this. This is a Reddit creation. There's a whole Reddit subthread.
1:08.1	So if you love this episode, you can go on over there afterwards.
1:11.6	But there's a whole sub thread all about this where people write in and they say,
1:16.5	here's this situation that I am in. It's leaving me wondering, am I the asshole in this
1:21.7	situation? Like, am I in the wrong or is the other person in the wrong? It's the other person
1:25.8	the asshole. A-I-T-A. Am I the asshole? Though I will say on Reddit, you're not going to get as detailed of considerations as we go into. Yeah, we like to go deep on this. You're going to get, you know, a comment thread of a lot of people weighing in, but not, you know, the level of detail that we can give in a podcast episode. Sure. So yeah, we love these
1:46.3	because we hear the most interesting stories from people in our community. I think they're just
1:51.5	like fun to listen to. They're also great to weigh in on. So this is a great episode to introduce
1:57.3	your partner to pillow talks or to our work because it's not, you know, it's not like, hey, babe, I need you to listen to this, how to get your partner to pillow talks or to our work because it's not, you know, it's not like,
2:02.2	hey, babe, I need you to listen to this, how to get your partner to be better at Foreplay
2:05.8	episode. It's like you get to talk about other people's relationships, kind of weighing on,
	...

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