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Pillow Talks

E246: How To Stay Connected When The World Feels Like It’s Burning

Pillow Talks

Vanessa & Xander Marin

Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.82.6K Ratings

🗓️ 5 February 2026

⏱️ 63 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Lately, we’ve been hearing from so many of you in our DMs. People are telling us they feel guilty wanting pleasure. Ashamed for craving closeness. Disconnected from their bodies and their partners because the world feels overwhelming, violent, and unstable. Others have told us they know their relationship matters, but caring about their sex life feels hard when so much is happening globally. Many of you feel less present, less motivated, and more anxious, and it’s showing up directly in your connection. In today’s episode, we’re talking about what to do when the weight of the world makes intimacy feel impossible. This conversation is not about ignoring reality. It’s about learning how to stay grounded, emotionally available, and connected so you can actually show up for your life, your values, and your relationship. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: How constant exposure to distressing news and social media keeps your nervous system stuck in survival mode. Why stress and anxiety don’t just affect your mood, but directly impact desire, arousal, and presence. The moral pressure many people feel to put their relationship on pause during hard times. Holding awareness of the world while still caring for your relationship. How physical connection helps regulate your nervous system and bring you back into your body. Simple ways to shift from overwhelm to meaningful, local connection and action. Practical rituals for staying connected when everything feels heavy. Why staying close to your partner can actually make you more effective and resilient. If you’ve been wondering how to care about your relationship when things feel dark or hopeless, this episode is for you. 🔗 Links & Resources ✨ Your relationship called. It wants a little more… fun. The Spark is our monthly cheat code for connection + intimacy. Connection questions, date nights, and a new position to try — delivered fresh every month for just $9! 👉🏻 Get your Spark back here: http://vmtherapy.com/spark Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cure. Staying hydrated isn't just about water - you also need electrolytes. That's why we love Cure. It's clean and tastes great! Real ingredients. Real hydration. You can grab Cure on Amazon or find a store near you. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Blissy. Because you’re a listener, Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS use code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you!➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Your disconnection does not make any impact, does not make any change.

0:06.4

And I think, you know, us making change in the world requires us staying in touch with our humanity.

0:15.0

If you allow yourself to get dehumanized by isolating, by disconnecting, by, you know, not, you know, feeling close to your

0:24.1

partner.

0:25.0

Like, the bad guys win.

0:33.1

Hello and welcome to the Pillow Talks podcast.

0:36.7

We're your host, Vanessa, and Zander Marin.

0:39.3

I'm a sex therapist with over 20 years of experience. And I'm just a regular dude. We share the

0:44.5

ups and downs in our relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours.

0:49.6

Make sure you subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship

0:55.3

advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors,

1:00.9

and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you'd had. I'm wondering if you guys can

1:08.6

address when you don't want to have sex because of politics or world events.

1:13.5

I'm having a really hard time separating guilt and privilege of allowing myself to experience pleasure

1:18.7

when people are being kidnapped, separated from their families, and murdered.

1:22.8

I know I've been neglecting my partner recently of four years, who agrees with me politically.

1:28.3

And yet every time I think about initiating or he wants to have sex, I feel extremely guilty and shameful.

1:34.8

I know sex is a crucial part of a relationship, but it somehow feels trivial to me when fascism is taking over my country.

1:42.0

Help?

1:43.7

So we got a lot of DMs like this over the last week in

1:50.9

particular. We are recording this on Thursday, January 29th. We actually got so many DMs and so many

1:58.6

very impassioned DMs that we decided to rush an episode out about this.

...

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