E235: How Your Phone Is Secretly Sabotaging Your Connection (and what to do about it)

Pillow Talks

Vanessa & Xander Marin

Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 2.6K Ratings

🗓️ 20 November 2025

⏱️ 54 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

What if the biggest barrier to intimacy in your relationship isn’t stress, exhaustion, or mismatched libidos… but your phone? In this week’s episode, we’re trying something that might feel a little controversial (and honestly, uncomfortable): no screens before sex. Yep — for seven days, we challenged ourselves to put down the devices before any kind of intimacy, whether that meant sex, cuddling, or even a deep conversation. And let’s just say… it revealed a lot about how much tech gets in the way of connection. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: The surprising ways phone use impacts intimacy (and resentment) What couples told us about their biggest “phone fights” Our rules for a 7-day tech detox (and how to adapt if you have kids) What happened when we actually followed them How to create healthier phone boundaries — without starting a fight If you’ve ever caught yourself scrolling mid-conversation or noticed your partner reaching for their phone after sex, this one’s for you. Because here’s the truth: your relationship with your phone might be hurting your relationship with each other way more than you think. Ready to reconnect? Take our free Intimacy Quiz to uncover what’s missing (and how to get it back). Discover your intimacy type and get personalized tools to help you communicate better, desire more, and feel closer than ever. 👉 Take the quiz now and unlock your results: https://vmtherapy.com/5keys Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Yeah, so, you know, after sex, money, and kids, phones are the number for most common reason why couples fight.
0:07.8	How about no phones at meal times? Or especially no phones at date night.
0:13.6	Another idea could be no phones first thing in the morning or right before bed.
0:18.6	Put your phones on airplane mode after 8 p.m.
0:21.9	Just take away your access to be able to get on the internet or anything like that.
0:27.6	Specific times without phones or screens.
0:31.6	So this could be like some sort of ritualized activity.
0:34.6	So maybe you guys always take the dogs on a walk together or you always sit on the
0:38.4	porch and have your morning coffee. Hello and welcome to the Pillow Talks podcast. We're your
0:50.0	host, Vanessa, and Zander Marin. I'm a sex therapist with over 20 years of experience.
0:55.4	And I'm just a regular dude.
0:57.0	We share the ups and downs in our relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques
1:01.1	for improving yours.
1:02.8	Make sure you subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips,
1:07.2	practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind
1:12.7	closed bedroom doors and so much more.
1:15.6	It's the sex education you wish you'd had.
1:20.4	What if your phone, TV, or laptop is the biggest barrier to intimacy in your relationship?
1:26.9	Ooh, tough question.
1:28.3	Well, if it is, you're definitely not alone.
1:31.3	Phones in particular are such a big issue in so many relationships, and we are not immune from that.
1:38.3	We have our own bad phone behaviors, both of us separately.
	...

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