You know, ladies and gentlemen, Santa Claus isn't the only jovial fella that comes around once a year for Christmas.

Don't you all know that if you hang up the mistletoe, deck the halls, and leave out a little bowl of chicken ticamassala,

that Charles Austin will visit you for a reluctant Christmas special.

I see mistletoe.

The halls look nice, not sure what decked means, actually,

and there's some chicken ticker right here.

Looks like the ingredients are perfect for a...

Uh-oh.

I hear a pitter-patter on the rooftop.

It looks like it worked.

That must be the man of the hour.

Everyone, please welcome sliding down the chimney now.

Charles Austin for his third annual reluctant Christmas special.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Sit down, please.

You paid a lot for these tickets. You deserve to relax. Now, I don't have to tell you folks, but inflation is bad. It's so bad. Inflation is so high. I bought a five-foot inflatable Santa and blew it up, and that damn thing went all the way up to the sky. It looks like a damn jack in the beanstock going all the way up to

heaven up there. Inflation is so bad. It's causing an affordability crisis, folks. So what did they do

in the big apple? They elected this Zoron guy, Muslim guy. Yeah. Even though he's Muslim, I heard he's

got a big Christmas present for New Yorkers. He wants to freeze the rent.

Okay, who's he going to hire to lead the New York City Housing Authority, Jack Frost?

Ow! Yes, Zoran is bringing Christmas to New York City, but in Washington, Christmas came early

...