I have personally slaughtered a red heifer while deep inside the secret basement levels of al-Ax mosque that even the Muslims don't know about yet.

I am currently unmarried, currently unmarried, but I'm not looking to date anyone at this time because while I do not have any

girlfriends or mistresses or sugar babies or prostitutes, I do know a lot of women who have

signed an NDA from me. So I think that's going to be very important for me that if in the election

process, they always say you got to get a wife, Gilroy. You want to be president. You got to get a right.

Well, you know, trying to find the right woman's difficult. Running a country is a completely different

skill set than running a promising household. I already have my five children, the light of my life.

My son Hooters is currently 13,

and I'm sending him to a secret school where he won't even learn about the existence of

other races till his 18th birthday. It's kind of like a reverse room springer. But excited for

y'all to find out about him when he makes his first run at the state senate

12 years from now. We got it all plotted out. We got it all plotted out.

Told to him a lot about Dominion, but we don't need to get neither here, no there.

A little bit about, you know, my upcoming goals. I would like to remind people that I am running for president in 2028.

I'd like to do something a little bit different this time around, something a little bit atypical.

Now, I'm going to tell everybody exactly what my presidential strategy is going to be from start to finish, really.

I thought about, you know, do I want to give so much information away right off the jump and all that?

You know, do I want to mule and go back and forth about whether I want to do this and not yet?

I just decide to give the whole kit and caboodle the way.

That way I figure there ain't going to be no secrets from Gilroy. I'm probably going to shoot from the hip for most of it anyway,

so I'm probably not going to follow the plan.

If everybody could get mad at me for it, I think it would only benefit me.

...