I'm the cool dad. That's, that's my thing.

I know now what I can offer you that no one else can. Complete and undependent.

I'm a man. I'm sensitive. I need to feel loved. I need to be desired.

Yelling is the only part of being a father that I enjoy.

Welcome to Dear Old Dads, the podcast that knows its place and it's first. I'm Tom Curry.

I'm joined as always by Thomas Smith and Eli Bosnick. Hello, gentlemen. First place, woo! This is the one about competition again. We're going to do competition, right? Re-adjudicating that episode, yeah. I don't know. When I had a kid that I knew instantly that I had been demoted to second place. As I watched my wife hold us, I was like, oh, God, there's that amazing,

do you know that great Gary Shandling joke where his friend has just had a baby? I already can answer that is no. Like, it doesn't matter what you say next. That answer. My answer is no. I don't, I'm not super familiar, but I watched a little bit of his show, which was great. Yeah, he had an amazing joke. He's like, yeah, my friend just had a baby, and he's like, yeah, I see her look at the kid.

And I don't know, I feel like she likes the kid more than me. And I said to him, yeah, man, that's her son. You're just some guy she met in a bar. I love that joke so much. Yeah, that's good. Boy, I know this is not the topic, but when comes to coming in first and all that, have you had to do, well, oh, okay, Eli, you only have one kid, you lucky, son of a bitch. Tom, do you have to deal? My kids are in the phase where everything is a stupid competition that then devolves into a fight and they kill each other. They'll be like, all right, we're walking back to the car, I'm going to win, I'm, and I don't, I don't encouraging that. They just do it. It's a natural kid thing. Right. For some reason. I know, like, you could argue that the competition's in my jeans, and it might be, but I think this is just a kid thing and a sibling thing. Oh my God, can we do a sibling show coming up? Because I am struggling with some sibling stuff right now.

Ooh, sibling thing. Oh my God, can we do a sibling show coming up? Because I am struggling with some sibling stuff right now. Ooh, sibling rivalry. Yeah, Arlo and Phoebe, it's just, it's killing me. But topic for another day. But yeah, like, they're always trying to, and I have to just say every time it's not a race, it's not right, to the point where they start, like, parroting me, like before I say it, You know, like they are mocking you ahead at time I'm gonna say it's not a race. It's not right. To the point where they start like parroting me like before I say it, you know, like they are mocking you ahead. At the time of dad's going to say it's not a, I'm dead. It's not a race. B, b'b, p. And then they do the classic kid thing where whoever's losing comes up with the different way that it was a race. You know, I always love that. No, it was, you have to get your first clip in your car.

That was the race.

You have, that was, I won that.

You see, if the goalpost is over here. Yeah, then I did actually. Okay. That's the crazy thing about these kid races, right? Because, like, that would be bad enough if they were just racing everywhere all the time. but they'll just make up an insane game, right?

The first one will be like,

first one to put your hand inside your cup wins.

But then the other one who... all the time, but they'll just make up an insane game, right? The first one will be like, first one to put your hand inside your cup wins.

But then the other one who didn't invent the game and therefore obviously lost begins

hysterically crying.

Hey, man, like, you didn't consent to that race.

Just chill out.

Yeah, they take on the mindset. Like, I've prepared my to that race. Just chill out.

Yeah, they take on the mindset. Like, I've prepared my whole life for, I trained. I trained for the cup competition all my life. And I lost. I choked my big moment. You also have to explain to him like, God, the stakes couldn't be lower. There's nothing to win, guys. Oh, my God. What is? I win. You win what? you win nothing. None of you win anything.

There's nothing here.

...