I'm the cool dad. That's, that's my thing.

I know now what I can offer you that no one else can. Complete and undependent.

I'm a man. I'm sensitive. I need to feel loved. I need to be desired.

Yelling is the only part of being a father that I enjoy.

Welcome to dear old dads, the podcast whose penis was stolen by witches. I'm Tom Curry, and I'm joined as always by Thomas Smith and Eli Bosnick. Hello, gentlemen. What an introduction. Yeah. Welcome to our family show. I hope people are doing the stuff they did with, like, the Beatles where they tried to look into every single thing and see, like, oh, Paul is dead or whatever. Like, I hope they do that with Tom's intros, you know? Yeah, they piece them together so he can confess to being the Green River killer. Yeah, I got the yarn going, shit, his dick was stolen by a witch. What does that mean? Maybe it means his dick was stolen by a witch. That ever happened to you? You ever have your penis stolen by, we covered these stories. I remember we covered these stories for like years on cognitive dissonance where like there'd just be like crazy bullshit happening like in different

parts of the world because there's these various cultural myths where like essentially witches steal

your penis like that is like and it is a pervasive multicultural mythology.

Yeah.

That like, witches just steal dicks.

Like guys just like run around with this like delusion that their dick is gone.

And they're, they're clearly dicked.

Like they have dick.

And they're just like running around and panic.

And people are like having real consequences for stealing the dicks of dudes who have dicks.

Yeah.

No, men panicking over any kind of empowerment of women is a tale as old as time, and sometimes it was more obvious than others.

Good old, healthy, empowering dick stealing.

I agree.

Yep, just empowering. Burning bras and stealing dicks. It's great, by the way, if you Google witches steal penis because I did that, of course, right before I wrote this intro. And there are amazing headlines like penis theft panic hits capital. Yep. I just fucking love that. That is like, that's everything you need to know about the state of the world.

If Matt Walsh got on the air tomorrow or Jordan Peterson did a sobby AMA tomorrow where he was

like, they're stealing dicks.

And I, I just can't watch it anymore, you know?

...