Do You Want Advice, or Do You Want Validation?

The Virtual Couch

Tony Overbay LMFT

Education, Mental Health, Health & Fitness, Self-improvement

5 • 643 Ratings

🗓️ 13 April 2022

⏱️ 35 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Tony asks the question, are you really looking for advice or validation? Tony reads Hunter S. Thompson's iconic "Letter on Finding Your Purpose and Living a Meaningful Life." Thompson wrote the letter in April of 1958 at the age of 22 to his friend, Hume Logan, in response to Logan's request for life advice. Many believe that Thompson's letter to Logan is some of the most profound and thoughtful advice one can read when attempting to look at the true desire of putting your life decisions in the hands of others. Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/w (http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop)orkshop (http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop) to sign up for Tony’s “Magnetize Your Marriage” virtual workshop. The cost is only $19. You’ll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. With the continuing "sheltering" rules spreading across the country, PLEASE do not think you can't continue or begin therapy now. http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch (http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch) can put you quickly in touch with licensed mental health professionals who can meet through text, email, or videoconference often as soon as 24-48 hours. And if you use the link http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch (http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch), you will receive 10% off your first month of services. Please make your mental health a priority, http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch offers affordable counseling, and they even have sliding scale options if your budget is tight.You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com (http://tonyoverbay.com/) and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ (https://descript.com/?lmref=bSWcEQ)

Transcript

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0:00.0	Recently, I was approached by somebody that I knew, but I really didn't know him very well. We had
0:04.3	circled around each other for the past few years, and we would say hi to each other on occasion.
0:08.7	And this is one of those people that you just decide that you like because they are likable.
0:12.6	You don't really know them, but you like them. So when this person, and let's just call him Stan,
0:16.9	but that is absolutely not his name. But when Stan approached me and he said that he had started binging on my podcasts,
0:22.6	what typically comes next is a specific question about an episode.
0:26.8	And so I'm already prepping myself to let Stan know that I record the podcast off the cuff,
0:31.2	maybe with a note or two, an outline.
0:33.1	And that I don't necessarily remember specific things that I said or,
0:36.7	and then Stan hits me with this
0:38.0	gym. He said, I really resonate with what you say about you're not broken, you're human,
0:42.6	you're the only version of you with your nature and your nurture, your birth order, your DNA,
0:46.3	all of those things. Because he said, I often feel like, yeah, I am broken or what's wrong with me.
0:50.4	So he said, I love it. And I'm even moving on to aggressively trying to discover my values. And he said, you're right. As soon as I start expressing my values to those people around me, I'm starting to be told that I really don't think that or I really don't think this. Or one friend said, but you've always said that you didn't really care about wanting to sing in public that you'd realize that was just a childhood fantasy.
1:12.1	So you're kind of giving up on that, right?
1:14.8	And Stan said that he realized that he's been trying to convince himself that certain things
1:19.9	that he'd always wanted to do or the person that he always wanted to be.
1:23.2	Well, those things weren't true about him because he wasn't doing them.
1:26.3	So yeah, he was starting to tell everybody around him, yeah, I guess those things don't really
1:29.9	matter.
1:30.4	Those are just childhood fantasies or dreams.
1:32.8	But then he said in binging on the podcast, he's realized that there were a lot of things
	...

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