What up ladies, this is your homey Lisa Beliu.

And I just want to share a little something before I get into today's episode because I want to talk about why do the interviews that I do and I want to hear from you guys if it's really serving me. So I sat back maybe six months ago and I just said what are all the things that we were in struggle with? Like no BS, what are the things that we actually struggle with? And I started to write a list down and that list really was really long. And so I started to abbreviate. And I got to the point where it is we don't feel like we have the skill set or the knowledge to be able to set boundaries when other people are crossing them. We don't feel like that we have the confidence to go out and change our lives and whether that means we tell our husband like in my situation that I no longer want to be a housewife. I'll tell your parents you no no longer want to do the career, they actually helped invest in with your college,

all of these things that are difficult for us to do in business, in life, in relationships. All stem from, do we give our power away? Or are we confident enough, no matter what situation we are in, that we're absolutely able to maintain our confidence. So I really do think about what are the problems we have, What are the guests that can come on and help us in that area?

So I'm going to be talking about

everything from career to relationships to health to our hormones to how to

spot when someone is trying to manipulate us to setting boundaries. I'm going to

be covering it all. And so if you're someone who really want to build your

confidence in every area of your life, they all have a knock on effect. And so one of the things that I just hit over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and things I just hit over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again is from women who don't feel like they have the power or the strength or the confidence to stand up for themselves to listen to their garr and set boundaries when someone is crossing that line. When someone is being inappropriate, when someone is just slowly trying to manipulate you, without you even realizing it, because the amount of women that I've heard say, I don't know what happened. I fell in love with this guy and I just blinked and all of a sudden. All of a sudden. It's not all of a sudden. It happens slowly over time. And so if I can bring you, people that can help us navigate how we start to spot these signs that we never find ourselves in that position, go I am here for it. And so today we are talking all about the warning signs, the manipulation tactics and the patterns of control that far too many of us women end up missing until it's too late. Now look we've all heard the stories. The woman who ignored her dad stayed maybe too long, gave the guy the benefit of the doubt, and then the next thing she knew she was trapped in a cycle that she just didn't realize was happening. So how the hell do we spot these red flags early? How do we end up protecting ourselves before we actually end up in that danger and become scarred from it, and now only have the tail of the time that we were trapped? How do we prevent and avoid that? Well that's exactly why I've got the criminal behavioural analyst and expert in stopping violent offenders, Laura Richards on the show today, guys. Now she has been her entire career, training law enforcement, including the FBI and the New Scotland Yard and how to analyse psychopaths and has spent her entire career fighting to change the laws that actually protect us from abusers instead of blaming the victims. And so today she is breaking down the subtle red flags that dangerous men use to actually manipulate the women. And this isn't just the random like red flags. She actually has a checklist that she has used in her career as a criminal analyst to be able to identify these people and her checklist she shares today on today's episode. She also talks about the number one mistake that we women make that you better believe predators actually count on. And we talk about why trusting our gut can actually be our super bad and detecting those subtle red flags that so often we have dulled and ignored the way too long. So my homie, if you've ever second-guess your instincts, or if you've ever felt that way of someone else trying to pull the strings and manipulate you, then buckle up because this isn't just another conversation. This is literally a guide on how the hell you can spot the signs that could potentially to the extreme save your life. But even not to the extreme that can actually save you years and years of heartbreak and confusion. That's right. And so we are going to arm you with the checklist and with the tools to give you the insights you need to protect your peace. We can claim your freaking power and be able to say no and set boundaries with anybody. So let's just jump in right now with the insanely talented and amazing Laura Richards right here on Women of Impact. So Laura, as a criminal analyst who's trained under the New Scotland Yard and the FBI, you actually use a checklist that screens for psychopathy. And if they score over 30, then that proves that yes, they are a psychopath. So what is on that checklist and what are the telltale signs that we need to watch out for? Yeah, I mean, there are two checklists. There's one that's called the dash, which I created in the UK. And that's the domestic abuse, stalking harassment and on a basease violence risk checklist and that's what is used when there is a report of domestic violence or coercive control or stalking or on-abase violence to police. But actually anyone can use that checklist. It can be used by victims themselves. So that's once you're in a relationship and that's what I use with victims all the time present day. The other is called the psychopathy checklist and that was developed by someone called Dr. Robert Hare. yn ymwch i'r cyfoddau sy'n cyfoddau sy'n cyfoddau sy'n cyfoddau sy'n cyfoddau sy'n cyfoddau sy'n cyfoddau sy'n cyfoddau sy'n cyfoddau sy'n cyfoddau sy'n cyfoddau sy'n cyfoddau sy'n cyfoddau sy'n cyfoddau sy'n cyfodd yn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymd is power and control and coercive control. And the key thing that motivates them is power and control. They seek to utterly dominate. And actually their whole psychopathology is dominate or be dominated. And that's how they understand the world. That's how they move through the world. And they see people really as just objects to be dominated and to be used for their own gain. So their needs are the most important thing to be met. So that's what you're looking for early on in a relationship. And that jekyll and hide, you know, if you see it, run, because they will come up with all sorts of reasons for why they did what they did. And often they break down into victim mode when challenged about it. And they were say things like, well it's because I was abused as a child or this happened to me. And the woman will listen and she'll then start feeling sorry for him and she'll go straight into empathy mode and she'll now be comforting him rather than standing her ground about the thing that he did that upset her and you know what when I interview those women they don't even know how they got there or how he flipped that script but before they know it they're now on the wrong foot they're now comforting him and the other thing has gone away and they don't even know that that's what's going on so the early identification and intervention and prevention starts straight away and look, I never want to wait for things to end. a'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r

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But when I psychologically all topsy cases, I always say,

tell me about how you met.

And they then start to describe.

They might say, what was ten years ago?

And I said, well, tell me about that.

And what I often find is that they've been targeted.

So the setup is very important. They are trying to figure out who's compliant, who's going to be malleable. And of course, women, girls, we're taught to be compliant and we're taught to be polite, we're taught to be malleable. But there are certain women who are even more empathetic malleable. So I'll give you an example. Everyone's heard about the a'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r Yn yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n y analyzing his life and how he targeted women. He met Debra Nuel and they met on a dating site. And she felt he was too good to be true. He took many boxes for Debra and he ended up being a very coercively controlling and dangerous man. But he didn't present us that to begin with. And they ended up getting married very quickly. No real checks and balances in place. He kept pushing the relationship, and they did marry within months. Daughters were against it. They didn't feel John was who he was claiming he was. He was making out. He was a doctor. And one of the daughters didn't buy it, because he had dirty fingernails. And his scrubs were always dirty and she'd worked in a medical setting and knew that that was a big no-no. So when she realised that there were red flags and that he was dangerous and the daughters had hired a private investigator, she was already into deep but she disappeared herself for six months and she lived out of hotel, she wore wigs, she had different cars. But what she didn't bank on was that he would target her daughters, and that's what he did. And because he couldn't get to Deborah, he was gonna seek revenge on her by going after the people she cared about the most. Now, ironically, it didn't end the way that John thought it would. He had a knife, he intended to kidnap terror, and she unbelievably fought him and won, and she ended up putting the knife through his eye and killing him. So when I first spoke to Deborah and said, you called it coercive control, Laura. You said, and you described to a team, my life, me, what was going on in terms of what he did to me,

but also him. And you gave me my dignity back because people kept blaming me. Why didn't I do this?

Why didn't I do that? Why didn't I protect the children? She said, I'd love to meet with you and just understand how you knew all the things that you did. So I did meet with her. And I asked her, tell me about that first date and she said oh you know I met him on this dating app he was

too good to be true. I mean we go on this date, he's the perfect gentleman we're talking and I said how much talking did you do? And she said I talked a lot and she sort of laughed. She said he was a really good listener Laura and that's one of the things that I really valued about him.

And I said, oh, why?

And I knew what was coming. And she said, because in my previous relationships, and I was married before, the mended and listened to me, I said, did you tell him that? She said, yes. I said, did you tell him about all your previous relationships? And she said, yes. And I said, and did you tell him what you were looking for in a man?

And she said yes.

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