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Love and Abuse

Do mutually abusive relationships have a chance?

Love and Abuse

Paul Colaianni

Relationships, Mental Health, Health & Fitness, Society & Culture

4.7877 Ratings

🗓️ 21 April 2026

⏱️ 39 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Sometimes both people in the relationship are hurtful, controlling and manipulative. When that's the case, it's going to take more than one person stopping the behaviors, and that presents a few challenges in itself. 

Transcript

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0:00.0

Welcome to Love and Abuse, the show about navigating the difficult relationship,

0:05.0

from simple disagreements to emotionally abusive behaviors.

0:08.1

You deserve respecting kindness.

0:10.5

All the information on this show is meant for educational purposes only.

0:13.9

Always seek a professional for your mental health and well-being, and always pick your battles wisely.

0:19.1

I'm your host, Paul Koliani.

0:26.7

I got a question recently.

0:27.7

Somebody wrote and asked,

0:32.7

Is it possible for a relationship to be mutually, emotionally abusive?

0:37.1

I have been with my now ex-fiancee for several years.

0:38.7

We just recently separated.

0:43.8

The last few years, she has been telling me that I'm emotionally abusive and I see what she's saying.

0:46.9

When there's a conflict, I tend to leave or break up.

0:52.1

I say mean things like calling her names and bringing up her past trauma.

0:56.9

I push and pull for connection and get upset when I feel rejected.

0:59.8

I have a hard time with her having friendships.

1:06.7

However, I feel the same way about her in the sense that she says or she tells me that I am too much.

1:07.9

And other times I am not enough or I don't do enough.

1:11.5

She says mean things about me.

1:12.9

She has involved her ex-husband, my mom, and her sister into the problems between us.

1:18.2

She gets upset when I interact with other women.

1:21.4

During arguments, she's always telling me I'm wrong and I am the problem.

...

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