I am a changed man.

Before we get into my personal story though, let's start with what this video is about.

A lot of online love advice is contradictory, especially when it's delivered in short form video.

You may have heard that men don't change.

In fact, there are viral TikTok videos

with millions of views in which a woman's street

interview strangers in New York City

asking if men change, they're very funny actually,

and they always say no.

On the other hand, you may have heard

that soulmates are built, not found,

implying that change does need to happen in order for a relationship to work.

After all, two people with histories and baggage can't come together without some form of friction in the beginning,

and an evolution from either side to make it work.

In these cases, change is a fundamental precursor to getting into a relationship.

But you may have also heard that you shouldn't date men who are projects.

You shouldn't be their therapist

and you shouldn't do all of the emotional labour of a relationship

because you risk becoming a mother figure to him instead of an equal partner.

You've been told that if he wanted to, he would.

And when men know, they know. So if he hasn't shown up as

interested and pursuing and fully committed, then end it. He is not the man for you.

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