Fear drives a lot. But a lot of times what it does is it's fueling sort of the why behind our communication. So if you think about like a peacemaker, their fear is it's going to blow up and they're not going to have a relationship and they're going to be rejected or cut out. If you think about the advocate, their fear is that they're not going to say the thing that needed to be said. The thinker is afraid, hey, what if I say something

doesn't make sense? Or what if I'm not smart enough? What if I don't add up? The feeler or the

harbor is the one that's, what if I don't make space for people? And then the spark is, what if it's

not fun? Welcome back. Today I'm talking with Jason Van Ruler. He's a therapist. He's been on the show before. We're talking about communication, about why most of us think we're communicating well in our relationships when we're actually just talking. Jason's going to break down five communication

styles and how knowing yours and your spouses will change things for the better. I share what I've

learned about my own type, what my husband's type looks like on the other side of that, and why I'm in my

delightfully high maintenance era. I've done a whole episode on that. I can't quit

talking about it. If you've ever walked away from a conversation with someone else, someone that

you love, and you love thinking, this isn't what I meant, this one's going to help. But first,

I want to tell you. Jason, welcome back on the show. So you're a therapist and a little background.

Apparently, you noticed patterns in the way your clients communicate.

And then it kind of gave you a bit of a revelation.

Tell us what happened.

Yeah.

So, I mean, one of the fun things about my job, I think, is that I get to be in the room with a lot of wisdom.

So I get to know people really well, and I get to hear the wisdom they share and how they communicate.

And what I noticed in working through retreats and speaking and working with clients in so many different people in different places was there were some very definite patterns and themes.

And what really kind of clued me into this is sometimes I would be hosting a workshop or

something and we would literally give a couple a script.

You know, so we just say, hey, if you want to get closer, read this.

And we would go down the line and one person would read the script and it would just like resonate.

You know, their person would like, that's amazing.

...