What's happening, beautiful people?

It's Tuesday, December the night.

Two more shoplifting weeks till fucking Christmas.

You got two more Mondays to get your party started.

I got my main man, Lee Syatt, the Cato of comedy.

And we're here for another fun-filled episode of the church of what's happening now.

New edition, Jack.

What up, Mook? What's up, do? When is, like, the best time to go shoplifting? Is it now when it's busy? Every day. Every day. They got relaxed laws now. You know, all my life, I'm a shiplifter. And then now you can shoplift for free at CVS and I got to stand there like a Christian.

I'm up there buying $80 for nicotine gum and people are running out with shaving cream and fucking, you know, the thing's going off, beep, beep, beep.

And nobody, now you get in trouble if you stop them.

I got too much class to shoplift now, you know what I'm saying? But deep, deep, deep in my heart, I want a shoplift like everybody does. Really? Why not? That's fun. I mean, it's not that fun because they don't chase you no more. Like being chased and the whole thing, that's a blast. That's what life is all about. You need one of those every once in a while. I haven't gotten chased. This is 1988. I haven't gotten chased by a shoplifting security guy. Oh, my God. What happened in that 88? I used to steal these Bruce Springsteen collector kits from Sears. They would leave them right by the door. And all I had to do is walk in and take two of them.

And they give me $40 a piece at the bookstore in Boulder. And they weren't, and you just kept selling the same album, like the same set? Yeah. They didn't even, they don't care. They know, they know you're a shopper thing. They don't care, you know? And I would go in there, like, every time I was broke,

I'd go in there and get two, two, two.

I'm going in there one know, and I would go in there, like, every time I was broke, I'd go and then get two, two, two, two. And I'm going in there one time, I'm like, man, I've taken a lot of these. Like, this has been a month straight of two twos. There's like eight of them left. I'm like, I can't believe they haven't noticed. I should have never had that thought. oh yeah you jinx yourself jim i went back to next time when like in the afternoon it was laxed and

shit you know noticed. I should have never had that thought. Oh, yeah, you jinx yourself? I went back to, next time I went in like in the afternoon when it was laxed and shit. Now I'm out on bail for kidnapping. So I don't need this shit, but I needed it. You know what I'm saying? Like I needed to get cash. And I'll never forget. I'm coming out of there with two of them and two other ones. And I'm starting to walk. And they're like, hey, and all soon I started running.

And they're chasing. forget I'm coming out of there with two of them and two other ones and I'm starting to walk

and they're like hey and all of a sudden I started running and they're chasing me and I'm throwing the

fucking thing at them you know they're behind me and then the one guy fell and he ran back and got a

cart like the one we were in the casino the other night right cart like that and him and the other

guy chased me down in a golf cart yeah in a golf cart and they caught me at the edge of the other night, like a cart like that. And him and the other guy chased me down.

In a golf cart?

Yeah, in a golf cart.

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