Hello, I'm Kelly Mantle.

Hello, I'm Kelly Mantle.

Hello, I'm Kelly Mantle.

And this is the Kelly Mantle show.

Won't you come inside, the Kelly Mantle Studio?

Hello. Do you know I never know where I am, but I always end up where I'm supposed to be?

Isn't that puzzling of me?

The other day, I was having a latte with the little Miss Bissiebody named

Renee. She knows everything about everyone, including the details of their 401k. Renee asked for

the waiter, and I asked for the check. She was ready to get down to business, and she said,

all right, come on, tell me, who in this town is the biggest wreck? And I said, you, Renee, that's who. And she said, oh, please, the only reason I'm a wreck is because I have to put up with you. And then she swiftly crossed her leg to reveal the bottom of her red bottom shoe. And she said, oh, these old things, they're vintage, 1492. Stick around me for a while, while kid and you might learn a thing or two.

And I said, oh, Renee, unfortunately, everything I've had to unlearn, I've learned from you.

And then Renee started crying and I started dying inside saying, did those words really leave my mouth?

But Renee shrugged it off and she said,

I'm ready to get sauced. Let's go in and dance our dogs off. And on the way in, Renee saw a man

and collided into him. And he said, pardon me, ma'am. After you, you have my permission.

And Renee turned around and said,

Listen here, brother. Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another.

And the man smiled real big to show off his new tea. And he said, yes, girl, I love Madonna.

And then they ran off to the dance floor, never again to be seen.

And a man came up to me and said, are you here alone?

Care to dance?

...