Hello everybody and welcome to the Bitch Bible Podcast. It is Memorial Day and this

episode is presented to by a depletion of cortisol levels, a serotonin plummet, and deep-rooted trauma and humiliation that will never be rectified.

Jackie, why so glum?

Well, it's a funny little tale, one that could bring a tear to the most dehydrated retina.

I'd like to take you back to last week it was a overcast chilly Wednesday morning and I had, God, I look at that girl and I don't even know her. I had a heart full of optimism a jovial spirit a zest for life you know a tang really, and clear, clear optics, you know, the world was sunny.

The sun was shining, the winds were, you know, fire hazardous and oh so beautiful for the blow dry, I had a twinkle in my eye.

And you know, when you get too close to the lights or when you let them you know illuminate you or what you think is going

to illuminate you a little part of your soul dies and let's just say she believed she could and she sure as fuck didn't.

The day was Wednesday, May 22nd. I got a very exciting call that, you know, I was going to get a

billboard in Times Square.

And I can't tell you, as a long-winded narcissist,

the thought of my severely digitally altered and snatched face

a la four years ago you know and my name in lights and Times Square for a simple

suburban gal like me that'll really get your dick hard you know and

I grappled with this as as a mother as a human and as someone who notoriously says she doesn't live for the lights that's a

fucking lie that's a fucking lie I'm a liar a fraud and a loser

so on Wednesday I get the call, you know, Jackie, we've done it.

Nasdak has cleared your billboard. You're going to be on a five-story building in the

heart of Times Square. I said, what? Me? Never! They said, pack your bag shimmel. You're going to the big apple. I said, oh, and this is a true story. On Wednesday, I was going back and forth. I thought, does it feel a little unhinged to leave my child last minute,

high tail it to New York, just to sit in Times Square for, I don't know, 43 minutes to see my billboard, you know, and just

Dodge pigeons and Risk chlamydia just to go see it for myself.

Doesn't it all feel a bit self-indulgent, self-gratuitous,

...