Defining Healthy Masculinity & How to Build It | Terry Real

Huberman Lab

Scicomm Media

Science, Health & Fitness, Life Sciences

4.8 • 26.2K Ratings

🗓️ 29 December 2025

⏱️ 171 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Terry Real is a therapist and best-selling author expert on male emotional health and how men can build the skills for healthy relating to others: in relationships, work, friendships and to themselves. We discuss how mixed and ever-changing messages about what masculinity is are impacting the mental and physical health of men and boys. Terry explains how learning the skill of "relationality" leads to improvements in all aspects of boys' and men's lives and shares practical tools for how to do that. We also discuss the essential role of having a close male community to build confidence and self-esteem. This conversation offers actionable guidance for boys, men and women seeking to build healthier relationships with themselves and others. Read the episode show notes at hubermanlab.com. Thank you to our sponsors AG1: https://drinkag1.com/huberman BetterHelp: https://betterhelp.com/huberman David: https://davidprotein.com/huberman Function: https://functionhealth.com/huberman Waking Up: https://wakingup.com/huberman Timestamps (00:00:00) Terry Real (00:02:53) Men & Masculinity, Political vs Psychological Patriarchy, Feminism (00:07:39) Stoicism, Vulnerability, Traditional Masculinity, Emotions (00:10:50) Sponsors: BetterHelp & David (00:13:14) Masculinity Across Decades, Giving; Gratification vs Relational Joy (00:21:54) Healthy Emotional Expression, Connection & Vulnerability; Self-Esteem (00:31:17) Feeling Emotions, Tools: Asking For Help; Fights & "What Do You Need?" (00:35:10) Self-Esteem & Relationship Accountability; Criticism, Redefining Strength (00:40:47) Sponsor: AG1 (00:42:32) Healthy Criticism, Tool: Women & Articulating Needs (00:50:21) Childlike Behavior, Wise Adult & Trauma, Tool: Relational Mindfulness (00:58:11) Tool: Responsible Distance Taking; Self-Interest; Relationship "Biosphere" (01:08:14) Alcohol, Men & Friends, Loneliness, Men's Retreat (01:17:51) Fraternities, Men's Groups, Tool: Relationship vs Individual Support (01:25:39) Sponsor: Function (01:27:27) Lack of Male Friends, Hiking, Community, Teaching Young Men (01:36:11) Cannabis, Alcohol, Young Men & Purpose, Flexibility & Manliness (01:40:40) Work, Life Purpose & Men; Skillful Warriors (01:45:01) Absent Fathers; Early Childhood & Proper Nurturing; Caretaking (01:53:24) Sponsor: Waking Up (01:54:47) Women & Speaking Relationally, Objectivity Battle (01:59:02) Addiction & Disconnection, 12-Step Meetings & Fellowship (02:08:04) Pornography, Internet, Intensity vs Intimacy; Optimization (02:11:57) Tool: Families & Hanging Out; Relational Joy; Relational Recovery (02:22:29) Giving Criticism, Tools: Make Requests; Feedback Wheel (02:28:21) Gratitude, Aging; Skillful Fighting in Relationship & Repair (02:34:17) Men & Self-Esteem, Mentors, Tool: Inner Dialogue without Harshness (02:44:00) Y Chromosome, Wholeness (02:48:00) Zero-Cost Support, YouTube, Spotify & Apple Follow, Reviews & Feedback, Sponsors, Protocols Book, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter Disclaimer & Disclosures Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	When the moment calls for fierceness, a good morani is a killer.
0:05.4	And they are, they're warriors.
0:07.5	Don't kill you, don't cross them.
0:09.4	When the moment calls for tenderness, a good morani will lay down his sword and shield and be sweet like a baby.
0:17.6	What makes a great morani is knowing which moment is which.
0:22.1	Welcome to the Huberman Lab podcast, where we discuss science and science-based tools for everyday life.
0:30.9	I'm Andrew Huberman, and I'm a professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford School of Medicine.
0:39.4	My guest today is Terry Reel Terry Real is a therapist and considered one of the world's foremost experts on male
0:44.7	psychology and on male female dynamics in romantic relationships. Today we discuss what it
0:50.3	means to be a man and the mental health crisis that men are facing nowadays.
0:55.0	As you may have heard, rates of depression and suicide
0:57.7	are at an all-time high in men right now.
1:01.0	Fewer and fewer men are in romantic relationships,
1:03.7	and many don't even have a single close friend.
1:06.6	And for those that are in romantic relationships,
1:09.0	the public messaging about how to show up
1:10.9	in those relationships is very conflicted.
1:13.6	Today we address all of these issues head on.
1:16.2	Terry explains that to thrive in life,
1:18.3	men have to look at relating as a skill
1:20.5	that requires action and yes feelings,
1:23.2	but also processing and communicating those feelings
	...

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