I wonder what it would even feel like to make a list of all the implicit and explicit agreements we have in place.

How often we go out, who takes care of the kids, who takes care of house chores or what the balance is,

when do we travel, how much money should we have in the bank, how often do we have sex, whatever, all the stuff.

Because if you don't put it down, it's you think the other person knows where you are and they often don't.

Happy Monday, everyone. It's Sophie.

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on the latest tips and tricks that are keeping us feeling motivated. My wife and I had a fight a few days ago and part of it came out of these agreements. And so we said, we've never probably been eight years since we've sat down and really understood, okay, we have to go over our agreements. And last time, eight years ago, it was because of trauma. So we were doing it because we had to, right? And when you don't have to, a lot of times you don't do it because it doesn't seem like a must. It's not an emergency. So this was not an emergency per se, but I left and I have a week out of the house and I didn't want to stop the work. I didn't want myself to go away for a week because then everything calms down and then you think it's fine.

You don't care enough about it. So I said, hey, while I'm gone, let's work on these agreements. Let's figure them out. So she said, okay, let's do it by text. And I just, I used like, what's out. And I wrote a really, really long thing. I'll just give an example here because

it's not that this example is the important thing. I just want you to understand what it looks like.

I said, really, really long thing. I'll just give an example here because it's not that this example is the important thing. I just want you to understand what it looks like. I said, okay, house guests. Let's start with that. Like my boundaries around people staying at our house. And I wrote a little tiny intro just to kind of get my feelings out. And then I said, the way I see it, we only really have one agreement. and that is if somebody is going to have somebody stay over, they're going to check with the other person that it's okay before they say yes. As far as I know, that's the only real agreement we made. By the way, that still only gets respected about 50% of the time. But at least it's an agreement we made and we can talk about it. I said, but actually, to me, that's even, that's too loose.

How far in advance do you have to tell the person is like, hey, Joanna is coming to stay in 30 minutes tonight and she's staying for three weeks.

Is that enough?

Or like, how many days ahead of time do you need?

We have two guest rooms, really.

So can two people stay? Like, it was, I wrote this really, really long thing about my understanding. And I told her on the front end, because these things get heated. I said, look, I don't believe for a second the agreement's going to end up being my version of the agreement. Let me get out what I think I'd like to see. And then you comment back on it. And then we'll workshop this thing until we come up with something that we both agree on. And it'll have, you know, the listing of what the agreement is. And then also what happens if it doesn't get respected? Because there needs to be some, something that happens if the thing doesn't get respected. Like some either, I'm just using this example.

If the rules don't get followed and you said yes or I said yes to somebody, they can stay over, I have to call them back and say, hey, I'm sorry. I have to rescind my invite for you to stay over. You know, or something along those lines. That's, we haven't decided on that yet. But does that make sense. Like, we're literally creating like a written agreement about house guests. And the reason

we're literally creating

like a written agreement about house guests. And the reason we're doing it is we've been back and

...