Defensiveness (Part 2 of How Relationships Begin to End: The Four Horseman)

Feeling Things with Amy & Kat

Nashville Podcast Network

Relationships, Self-improvement, Arts, Fashion & Beauty, Education, Health & Fitness, Society & Culture

4.7 • 5.2K Ratings

🗓️ 23 September 2025

⏱️ 46 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Amy and Kat continue to unpack Dr. John Gottman’s famous ‘Four Horsemen of the apocalypse’ for relationships which has helped him be able to predict the failure or success of a relationship with a 90% accuracy rate. Week 2 is Defensiveness. It is that quick “it’s not me, it’s you” response that shows up when we think we are being criticized. Amy and Kat talk about how defensiveness sneaks in when we are stressed or protecting our ego (especially for Amy!!), and why it makes conflict worse instead of solving it. They share real-life examples, explain how even a hint of criticism can trigger us, and walk through the antidote of taking responsibility for your part. You will hear tips for pausing, owning your piece, and keeping conversations from turning into blame games. This episode will help you stay connected and turn tense moments into opportunities for understanding.

Watch us on Youtube HERE!

Call and leave a voicemail: 877-207-2077

Email: [email protected]

HOSTS:

Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy

Kat Van Buren // threecordstherapy.com // @KatVanburen

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	This is an IHeart podcast.
0:05.5	One, two, three.
0:06.9	Hey, break it down.
0:09.2	If you ever have feelings that you just want some,
0:12.8	Amy and Kat got you covered like an umbrella.
0:16.4	Ladies and fellas, we just follow in the spirit where it tells us.
0:20.8	From the real stuff to the chill stuff and the in between.
0:25.7	Sometimes the best thing you can do is just out and feel things.
0:31.4	This is Feeling Things with Amy and Kat.
0:33.9	Happy Tuesday Feeling Things.
0:35.3	I'm Amy.
0:35.8	And I'm Kat.
0:36.6	And this is week two of the four horsemen.
0:40.0	Last week we did week one, part one, however you want to put it.
0:43.0	And we tackled criticism, one of the horsemen.
0:46.3	The next horseman is defensiveness.
0:50.0	You said that with a lot of umph.
0:51.5	Are you excited about this one?
0:52.9	Well, I think I'm more excited about it than I was last week because whenever we were talking
0:58.2	about criticism last week and we decided that defensiveness was going to be week two, I then had
1:04.5	this realization, thanks to my boyfriend, and he didn't even know this is what we were talking
1:09.3	about. This just came up organically.
	...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Previous episode | Next episode

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Nashville Podcast Network, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of Nashville Podcast Network and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.