This is an I-Heart podcast guaranteed human. When you're with somebody, I don't want you to focus on how do they feel about me. I want you to focus on how do I feel in my body when I'm with this person? We're so focused on, are they choosing me? Are they going to pick me? That we end up self-abandoning and say, my wants, needs and desires don't matter. I need you to like me.

Hey everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to become happier, healthier, and more healed. Today's guest is someone that I'm a huge fan of. I've been following her online for quite

a bit now, and I'm so excited to introduce you to her. I'm sitting down with Sabrina Zohar, creator, podcast host, and one of

the most viral voices in modern dating. If you've ever found yourself chasing people who

don't choose you, mistaking chaos for chemistry, or wondering why love feels so hard, this

episode is going to hit home. Sabrina and I are going to dive into the patterns

that keep you stuck, the boundaries that set you free, and the self-worth you need to finally

date with clarity, confidence, and intention. And I love her no-b-s approach. Please welcome to

On Purpose, Sabrina Zohar. Sabrina, it's great to have you here. Jay, I am so excited to be here.

Thank you for having me.

Yeah, I honestly, when I've been following your content and watching your videos, I was like, I need to sit down with this one. She's got amazing insights. I love how practical is, how real it is. But let's dive right in. I think the challenge today is, or at least what I feel people struggling with is, almost like the old challenge of sitting there with a flower and going, they love me, they love me not. They love me, they love me not. And I don't know when that was invented. But I feel like we're ruminating, we're overthinking, we're procrastinating. How do you know if someone's actually into you? It's so funny. Thank you for reminding me about the flower because as you said, I was like, oh, my childhood. I think what we're really looking for, for me, I'm a big on effort equals interest. And I think we're getting in a time where that effort is starting to get muddied, right? We're looking at it as, are they texting me every day? Are they contacting me? And we're looking at these dopamine hits as opposed to actually connecting with people. And so I think for me, are you feeling safe, seen, and secure with this person? Now, that might not happen after one date, but is this somebody that is reciprocal? Are they intentional? Are they consistent? Are they showing up for you? And that doesn't just mean that they don't

text you for a day. But is this person making plans? Are they actually progressing the relationship?

And I think for me, you know, I'll be honest. Like I have ADHD. So my cadence, my speech, I'm a totally

different way that my brain works. So I might show up differently and be super keen on somebody,

whereas my partner is super

avoidant and he's not in the texting and his way of showing up is, I'm going to spend time with you. And so I think it's really important when we're actually trying to assess if somebody likes you. I want to see, one, how does your nervous system feel? Are we constantly in this hyper, hypo arousal, hyper arousal, are we high? Are we low? But I really think it goes back to the old school way of doing it. Can you have an open conversation with them? And at the end of the day, can you just ask them, hey, how are you feeling about this? And what are your intentions with where we're going? I know it sounds like, oh, we all want a trick and we all want something that we can look at.

But I found really most people are pretty apt to having a conversation if we approach it in the right way.

Yeah. And I think you're right. I think the challenge is that a lot of us still believe that love has to be earned and love has to be one.

And so we love the idea of chasing and pursuing someone and they become more attractive the more they avoid us. And they become more exciting, the more elusive they are.

And them not messaging back for three days almost makes us think like they must be really busy and cool

and interesting. And so I've really got to work harder only for us to feel let down because all of those

were just signs that I'm not into you.

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