Dances with Bagels

Bitch Bible

PodcastOne

Talk Radio, Comedy, Society & Culture

4.6 • 14.6K Ratings

🗓️ 26 January 2022

⏱️ 47 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Jackie discusses cancel culture, the time she blacked out at her grandma's 80th birthday and the joys of hating strangers for absolutely no reason. I dare you to order a Sierra Mist in public after listening to this.

Produced By Dear Media

Transcript

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0:00.0	The following podcast is a deer media production.
0:16.0	Ugh, good morning everyone. Rise and shine and sing out your motherfucking glory. I have been
0:22.0	crying, laughing with myself for a myriad of reasons. I think I might be having like a
0:29.2	a psychotic break or a psychotic breakthrough. You know, sometimes you wake up and you're just
0:36.8	having a great fucking day. I have a few fundamentals that give me the foundation for a great day.
0:45.4	First of all, I need approximately seven and a half to ten and a half hours of sleep. I'm like an
0:52.2	infant. Baby needs a bottle fed martini and a good night's rest and maybe a little bubble bath
0:58.4	before she turns the fucking. I need a wind down. I need a solid four and a half hours of mindless
1:06.1	television. Preferably things that I've already seen. I tried to start yellow jackets. I am a
1:12.9	low-key number one fan of Juliet Lewis ever since her remarkable role in car as Carlisate
1:21.0	in the other sister, which as you know is one of my favorite movies of all time. The fact that she
1:26.2	wasn't nominated disgusts me to this mother fucking day. I'm not going to do my Carlisate impression.
1:33.6	Really, but I just know that somewhere in the universe there is a VHS with me recreating the other
1:44.9	sister and my childhood home. My sister was the cinematographer. I did dialogue. There was a
1:50.5	costume change. My mom played Diane Keaton. It was stunning. It will never see the light of day
1:56.3	because I'm trying actively not to get canceled. Back to the fundamentals of my perfect day.
2:02.1	It's the perfect day. Where is Hoku? What is she up to? Another dumb blonde. I mean the soundtrack
2:11.1	of my goddamn existence. I think about Snow Day the movie all the time as well. I think about
2:17.7	Snow Day a lot and the Snow Day soundtrack. I think about Shannon Bedouard's daughter's rock band
2:25.3	lock, lock, walked, so high. I think about Dreamcatcher. Dreamcatcher. Whoa. Dreamcatcher. Dreamcatcher.
2:37.1	I think about it constantly almost on loop. I think about Lisa Loeb and what she's up to. I think
2:44.7	about why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle. Riddle me that. Why doesn't it stick to
	...

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