Hello, welcome to pint-sized distant pod. This is where we go back through our archive and try to find you the very best bits that we can to help you on your journey through the distant pod archive. Every episode we've ever done still exists,

and they're all timeless. So if you want to head back to episode 23 and have a listen,

or episode 14, or episode 137, this should help you on the journey. In the episode description,

it says where the clip is from this week. Go find that one.

Wherever you listen to your podcasts

and it'll help you on your journey

through the Distant Pod archives.

Or it might just be a little bit of a fun reminder

of something that made you laugh in the first place.

Here it is this week's Distant Pod

pint-sized episode this is the conquer championships of

1971 the championship begins with the time-honored greeting by the conquer king King of Ashton, dressed in his traditional costume.

At this international level, Conkers is no longer a kids game.

For a start, no one under 18 is allowed to take part, and there's a strict set of very adult rules.

No baked or pickle conkers are allowed, and the boot lace has to be at least eight inches long.

It's a very serious business.

Eventually from the 64 original entrance, the two finalists emerge.

Martin Deutschlander, a 49-year-old ex-German prisoner of war who stayed in Britain after the war

and is now a local tractor driver, and Tim Dix, one year younger at 48, a diesel engine inspector

in a local factory. First to hit was Tim Dix with his three strokes. And then it was the Germans' turn.

But with his last stroke, Martin Deutschlander shattered his conquer, the new conquer champion

of the world, Tim Dix.

...