Cheating On Your Abuser
Psychology In Seattle Podcast
Kirk Honda
4.6 • 1.2K Ratings
🗓️ 20 October 2025
⏱️ 75 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/KIRK to get 10% off your first month.
00:00 An abusive relationship and affair
31:02 Was the pastor sexually abusive?
41:18 Is this a safe relationship or just less bad?
52:03 Is infidelity in an abusive relationship ok?
1:02:43 What does repair look like?
1:07:27 How can I continue to heal from my shame?
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October 20, 2025
The Psychology In Seattle Podcast ®
Trigger Warning: This episode may include topics such as assault, trauma, and discrimination. If necessary, listeners are encouraged to refrain from listening and care for their safety and well-being.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | So, Bob, I have a long email that goes into intimate partner violence and also what it's like to be a victim and what it's like to cheat on your abuser and what it's like to be coerced into a relationship by a pastor and what it's like to recover from all this and stay in the relationship with the abuser and navigating all of that. |
| 0:25.5 | It's a long email. |
| 0:27.2 | Normally I would summarize it so we could quickly answer it and move on to other emails. |
| 0:32.6 | But I wanted to dedicate this whole episode just to this email. |
| 0:36.0 | So let's get into it. |
| 0:37.1 | What do you say? I say yes. This is the Psychology in Seattle podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Kirk Honda. I'm a therapist and a professor. Who are you, Bob? I am, Bob. I'm your friend from graduate school from 30 years ago and a therapist here in practice in Seattle. Yeah, exactly 30. In fact, this day maybe even... Could be. Could be the exact day that we met 30 years ago. I think it was a Wednesday. But was it? Okay. We could look it up. Yeah, we could look it up. Yeah, it's somewhere. Yeah, it'd be... Oh, my God. Maybe the first Wednesday of October or something. Last weekend, I thought Flora was walking down my street. |
| 1:16.4 | Our teacher from our first class. |
| 1:17.8 | Very first class, yeah. |
| 1:19.7 | And it looks so much like her. |
| 1:22.1 | I mean, I haven't seen her in years, but it looks so much like her. |
| 1:24.2 | I approached her, I'm like, are you Flora? |
| 1:27.2 | And the lady's like, no, my name's |
| 1:29.4 | Pam. Well, I've seen Flora occasionally. Yeah. And she's a very intense person, even when she's not |
| 1:38.3 | your professor. And she's very purposeful. And you could tell that she's a really great therapist. |
| 1:44.1 | Yeah, she is. Yeah yeah she was a very good |
| 1:45.6 | professor anyway so let's get into the email what do you say yep so this email is from youtube member |
| 1:52.2 | and middle tier patron Nicole from Canada she says hi dr kirk and the podcast family including you bob |
| 1:58.1 | thank you i've been an avid listener for a couple years now, and I've been a patron since February. |
| 2:04.3 | Your podcast has helped me through some of the hardest years of my life and basically has been my only form of entertainment, too. |
| 2:11.7 | Whoa. |
| 2:14.0 | Well, Cole, I hope you find other ways to entertain yourself because I can't imagine that this could be all that entertaining. |
| 2:22.7 | Anyway, going on. |
... |
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