Chapter 1: Meet the Players

Bone Marry Bury

Dear Media

Fiction, Comedy

4.8 • 846 Ratings

🗓️ 22 February 2022

⏱️ 24 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Meet Allie: 26, kind of a mess (but a hot mess!), recently fired from her restaurant job and dumped by a guy she was pity-f*cking. This is NOT how she thought life would look at 26. On New Year’s Eve, Allie heads to a party with her best friend Gabe (who is also narrating events from the near-future), hoping to get wasted and leave this trash heap of a year behind. Maybe 2022 is going to be her year? Spoiler... it’s not! But Gabe lets us know this party is still important because by the end of the month Allie’s going to bone, marry, and bury three different people... and they’re all at this party. Let the games begin!

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Transcript

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0:00.0	I always assumed that in the murder podcast about my life, I'd be the victim.
0:06.0	I mean, life's hard out here for an amateur drag queen working Sunday brunches for basic
0:09.8	bachelorette parties who do not know how to tip. So yes, I've burned a few bridges in my day.
0:15.6	But surprise, bitches, I lived.
0:21.8	So let me tell you about my best friend, Allie.
0:24.2	Everyone loves a messy bitch, am I right?
0:26.6	And no one, no one turns up like my girl, Allie.
0:30.6	Okay, one time she literally crashed awake for the free booze.
0:33.9	She turned it into a full-blown karaoke party
0:36.2	and got the widow to sing a duet of Celine Dion's.
0:38.8	It's all coming back to me now.
0:43.2	What's that young lady doing up there?
0:46.1	Is that the caterer?
0:47.5	I saw her tasting all the desserts.
0:52.6	There were nights when the wind was so cold
0:58.0	that my body frozen, but if I just listen to it right outside the window
1:07.0	But when you touch me like this and you'll hold me like that, I just have to
1:16.5	admit that it's all coming back to me.
1:22.0	Hey, all coming back, it's all coming back to me now.
1:26.7	Yeah. Yeah. It's all coming back to me now.
1:35.7	It was actually a pretty solid rendition, not a dry eye in the house.
1:39.3	Cornelius would have loved this.
	...

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