Cartier Bamboozlement

Absolutely Not

Dear Media

Callin, Humor, Aperol, Arts, Comedian, Entertainment, Advice, Personal572339, Funny, Instagram, Hotline, Female, Comedy, Heathermcmahon

4.9 • 13.6K Ratings

🗓️ 19 February 2020

⏱️ 44 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back in the studio, fresh from Asia and answering your phone calls and hot fire voicemails. Things take a turn for the best when she calls back a feisty fan who leaves a day-drunk message. Heather also updates us on her 10 year anniversary bamboozlement when Jeff essentially "Cartier" teased her! It's a whole cluster-fuck of love, money and voicemails on this latest episode.

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Produced by Dear Media.

Transcript

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0:00.0	The following podcast is a DR Media production.
0:06.5	Welcome to the Absolutely Not Podcast,
0:09.3	where we do the most in the least at the same damn time.
0:12.4	I'm your host Heather McMahon.
0:18.0	Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the
0:21.2	Absolutely Not Podcast. I'm coming to you live from the
0:25.0	DR Media Studios in West Hollywood.
0:27.3	Good to be back with my producer, Michelle. What up, girlfriend?
0:31.8	Is she's here? She's in the studio.
0:33.3	That would have been so sad, though.
0:35.0	If I was just like, here hanging out with so many friends and then y'all realize I was just alone.
0:40.8	Y'all, it's a beautiful day in Los Angeles.
0:42.7	I have a lot to bitch about in the sense that it's been a wild warning.
0:47.1	Okay, let me tell you something. Let me tell you what happened to friggin' me today.
0:52.0	I wake up at like 3 a.m. to all of these text messages and phone calls because some
0:57.0	fucking ass hat, which is my new phrase. I don't know why, but I'm very into this phrase.
1:01.5	Posted my phone number on all my Instagrams saying, call Heather. Now, here's a deal.
1:07.2	I love chitchat with everybody, but really and truly comes down to this.
1:10.8	I have had the same phone number since I got a phone when I was 15 and got my fucking learning
1:15.3	permit. You know what I'm saying? I don't want to change my phone number.
1:20.0	It's the point of the fact. Yes, it feels a bit violating. Please don't call me.
1:24.4	Okay, my mom already calls me 65 times a day and it's enough. But literally this guy,
	...

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