Calories Don't Count, RICK

Absolutely Not

Dear Media

Callin, Humor, Aperol, Arts, Comedian, Entertainment, Advice, Personal572339, Funny, Instagram, Hotline, Female, Comedy, Heathermcmahon

4.9 • 13.6K Ratings

🗓️ 2 December 2020

⏱️ 62 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather breaks down the age old question.... "Why exactly does Jeff sleep with tape on his mouth AND still works in New York?" We survived Thanksgiving by the skin on our Turkey Trails and it's clear by the Voicemails that y'all aren't doing so hot either. Someone's lost a leg, others are getting bamboozled.... it's a shit show. That and more!

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Transcript

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0:00.0	The following podcast is a dear media production.
0:06.6	Welcome to the Absolutely Not Podcast, where we do the most in the least at the same damn time.
0:12.4	I'm your host Heather McMan.
0:18.2	Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to another hot off the press episode
0:23.6	of the Absolutely Not Podcast. I'm your host Heather McMan. Thanks for being here.
0:28.8	I hope you had a wonderful holiday weekend.
0:31.3	Stayed safe, stayed sane. I cannot wait to dive into the absolutely not voice
0:36.0	mails today because I know they're going to be insane and lit and a lot of y'all need to see
0:41.8	someone and talk professionally because I can't fix all of the problems. But we'll get to as many
0:48.7	as I can. First and foremost, I was supposed to get Jeff on the podcast. I'm sorry he talked about
0:54.4	it all week. Literally then today he was like, I'm on an early flight out. I got to
0:58.5	be a work at 5 a.m. tomorrow. I was like, what? So we fucked it all up. Again, scheduling has never
1:05.0	been my strong suit. So he will come back on the podcast in a week when he's down here.
1:09.5	We've got a lot of things in the works that man and I. But first and foremost, I'm going to put it
1:14.4	out there, explain for this 6,000th time for a lot of y'all that are very confused about my
1:20.7	relationship with Jeff. And I just need to explain it. So my boo boo thing, my Jeffery, my Italian
1:27.8	stallion, my big dick daddy, my two in the pink, one in the stink, lover for life, Jeff Daniels.
1:36.0	Yes, named Jeff Daniels, like the actor in Dumb and Dumber. We have no food. We have no jobs.
1:41.7	Our pets heads are falling off. That Jeff Daniels is well, the love of my life. My fiancee.
1:47.2	If you will, darling God damn it. We've been watching a lot of the crown. And let me tell you,
1:52.7	Olivia Coleman's performance is great. The show is fucking boring. I asked everyone, I said,
1:59.2	listen, can I just skip to the princess Diana thing? I want to know the raw and real story.
	...

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