The following podcast is a DR Media production.

Welcome to the Absolutely Not Podcast, where we do the most in the least at the same damn time.

I'm your host Heather McMahon.

Hello ladies and gentlemen,

Farads and your crazy Aunt Linda, it's your girl Heather McMahon and welcome to another episode of

The Absolutely Not Podcast. I'm thrilled to be here, you know, still locked up raw at my mom's house.

And we're feeling good, except for my vagina.

We're going to get into that in just a second. Got a lot to tell you. We have so many funny voicemails.

Y'all are literally losing your minds while you're in quarantine. And I have just spent my entire

morning fucking giggling my ass off, listening to these voicemails. The stories are insane.

Y'all are crazy. I think we're going to have a really good giggle this week. I am so thrilled you're here.

So without further ado, let's get into it. Welcome to the podcast. Listen, I'm Chipper. I'm in high spirits.

Shouldn't be for the fact that I burned my taint off yesterday. You know, as a comedian,

you know, obviously we speak and come up with material from usually a dark place. You know,

the darker something is the funnier it is when I tell cancer jokes, they're the best hit every time.

Except for that one cut in the back is uncomfortable because she's never had anybody die on her.

Anywho, through pain comes prosperity. You know, we're learning about this through quarantine.

What have we learned about ourselves? Well, I had a very harrowing experience this week.

And I can tell through the voicemails that a lot of y'all have to. And I feel like,

you know, the only way I'm going to push through what happened to me, the physical assault

that I experienced through a hot cup of coffee on my undercarriage genital region, if you will.

The only way that I can move through that pain is to talk about it openly.

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