Billy Crystal | Holy Crap
The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert
CBS
4.4 • 2.3K Ratings
🗓️ 15 April 2026
⏱️ 32 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Some of his most ardent supporters are concerned that President Trump may be the Antichrist, a top official at FEMA might have a substance abuse problem, and Stephen uses The Get It On Cam to encourage Americans to raise the fertility rate. Billy Crystal announces his upcoming return to Broadway in a one-man show he wrote amid the chaos of the devastating 2025 wildfires in Los Angeles, which took the house his family had called home for over 40 years.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | When beloved family patriarch, Gary Ferris went missing, his family looked everywhere on their |
| 0:05.9 | property until they came across something horrifying. It's a homicide. |
| 0:10.3 | Absolutely. The blame game in this family went round and round. This is Blood is Thicker, |
| 0:16.5 | the Ferris Wheel. I don't see how anyone can look at this story and think they were happy. |
| 0:21.7 | Follow and listen to Blood is Thicker, The Ferris Wheel on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcast. |
| 0:31.7 | Welcome. Welcome one and all to The Late Show. |
| 0:39.3 | I'm your host, Stephen Colbert. |
| 0:43.6 | Love it, love that. |
| 0:45.3 | Glad to see you keeping your spirits up. |
| 0:47.1 | You know, ladies, gentlemen, the last 10 years of Donald Trump warming his way into our brains have been weird. |
| 0:53.7 | But... But... of Donald Trump warming his way into our brains have been weird. But yesterday might have been the weirdest weird that ever weirded. |
| 1:01.6 | And I'll just let this actual 100% real. |
| 1:05.2 | We did not make this up or change this footage in any way. |
| 1:09.9 | C-SPAN report. Some up the times we live in. |
| 1:13.4 | President Trump spoke to reporters outside the Oval Office after having McDonald's delivered |
| 1:18.0 | via the online food ordering service DoorDash. He then took questions from reporters on several |
| 1:23.8 | topics, including the ongoing conflict with Iran, and a recent truth social post depicting himself as Jesus, |
| 1:30.4 | which he denies, saying he thought it depicted him as a doctor. |
| 1:34.2 | Even she's been can't make that sound normal. |
| 1:38.7 | If you just woke up from a coma and that report was the first thing you saw, you'd ask the doctor to put you back in. |
| 1:48.2 | I'm sorry. No, I'm sorry. There you go. I'm sorry. You'd ask the Jesus to put you back in. |
| 1:57.7 | By now, I'm sure everyone here has seen the AI slop image of Trump that he posted depicting himself as they crossed between Jesus and Dr. Strange. |
... |
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